Monday, January 07, 2008


The DMV, or so it would appear, hates my guts.

I had the paperwork to get brand-spankn' new license today, even having gone so far as to secure a copy of my SS card in the correct name and finding my passport. I had proof of insurance, proof of my address, I’d read the DMV driver’s guide (all 8 zillion pages of it, including the bits about why it’s important to stay on YOUR side of the road) , and felt that today was a good day to go get legal.

The line wasn’t too long. I was heartened.

My heartening was misplaced, however, because the there was something going on with computers and renewals and there were lots of gruntleless people in the general vicinity because of that. However, the folks at the ol' DMV were still testing people for new licenses, and in my optimistic little heart I thought ‘hey, maybe it’ll be OK for ME because I’m new and they can do all the stuff right here in the local office and don’t need to have me in the system for any reason’ so I showed my (complete!) paperwork to the nice lady behind the desk, got my number, and waited for the big moment.

I took a few minutes to keep on studying that DMV book, because from the appearance of the online practice test it looked like I’d need to know crap like how many points would go on my license if I was convicted of littering or failing to yield the R.O.W. to a blind pedestrian with a limp. Them thar online tests were aksin’ fer HARD stuff, y’all, and I have to admit that I was a little nervous that I’d underprepared in lieu of letting my almost 30 years of driving experience speak for me.

My number was called and I had a lovely, if altogether too brief, conversation with the DMV examiner man, who looked at my paperwork, entered me into the system, noted that I’d love to be an organ donor if the time arose, and said that this was the half of the application he could do today.



But, Mr. Tester man, I’m supposed to be getting my license today! I thought. It’s not fair! Today’s’ the day I decided that after almost X years it was time to be all straight-arrow clean about this whole driving thing, and now I CAN’T?? WHAT??


Yes, I’ll go take the written test. Fine.

21 questions later (just one wrong! I CLEP’ed out of the last 4 questions! SCHWEET!) I passed the exam, got the number of what my license WILL be, and walked out with NOTHING.

Fine. I’ll just go get license plates for a new vehicle instead.

But no. I need a license to do that. Crap. I was totally looking around for a grapefruit spoon, a la Tracy Lynn.

Oh, and did I mention that today’s the day Mother Nature decided to ride the bitchin’ bloat float into town? Grrrrr.

The only good thing about this day, other than the fact that it’s gorgeous outside, my children are healthy, I can pay my bills, blah blah, blah, is that we went out to lunch and I had a Yuengling the size of a softball bat along with my chicken tenders.

Stupid DMV. Now I have to make sure my hair looks good and my makeup isn’t smeared all over again TOMORROW. I’m simply not used to that kind of pressure, and it’s making me grumpy.

I think it’s time to just start drinking in earnest…wouldn't YOU?

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