Friday, June 30, 2006
Because I can
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Too much of a good thing
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
In which I speak of many diverse and interesting matters
Just the article on the sexy building materials ALONE is worth the click.
Never, ever, and I mean NEVER, allow me to watch "Finding Neverland" just before bed again.
The crying (OK, loud gasping sobbing, I'm not ashamed to admit it) brought about by the last 20 minutes of that film, followed by 7 hours of stuporous recumbency, translates DIRECTLY into predawn eye puffage of such proportion that all the makeup in the world only suceeds in making me look Asian.
Hey folks, you are SO missing out on your chance to "amend that tat." I got a nice idea from DebR a couple of days ago, but since then, NOTHING!
What is wrong with you people that you can't come up with some idea, no matter how small or off-the-wall, of how to add more color and vibrancy to my middle-aged cankles?
So, again, a plea from me to you to step up to the plate and run out a few ideas (perhaps with illustrations!) of how I should amend the tat. Otherwise I shall be left to my own devices, which may include the addition of drippy blood schmears or a zipper effect that looks like you can see my bones and tendons or somesuch oddity.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Calhoun's, late 80's
Monday, June 26, 2006
Skippy and Doo-Dah are in town again
Y'all. They're baaaa-aaack. (go read the May 24th entry if you're wondering "who? who is back?")
Yessir, they're arrived, and with a phalanx of friends to fluff up the fun.
Forgive me. I have not broken up with you, dear reader(s). I am merely taking some time to act like a paid employee of the company for which I work.
Yes, it hurts me too. So, as proof that I love you very very much, I will leave you with a little picture, and a request.
What would go with this tattoo?
Your suggestions are most welcome.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Overheard on 401
Thing 1 - "Ah, ha ha, I have you in my robot clutches. You cannot escape me, I am all powerful."
Thing 2 - "No! Nevah! I have PLAN!"
(aside to Thing 1: "I'm gonna make a call OK?" "OK" says Thing 1)
Thing 2 - "You shall nevah capcha mee, you eviiildo-ah! I have the BIG BOOK OF MINIONS and I shall CALL them to assist me!"
Thing 1 - "Ohhh no! Not that!"
May I tell you right now that the "Big Book of Minions" got me laughing so hysterically that I had church giggles for an hour and a half afterward?
Yes yes, yes...the possibilities!
Aardvark girl, Astrolad, Bugle Boy, Corporal Cretin, they're ALL there in the Big Book of Minions!!!!! Pick a page, pick a line, pick a minion...who ya gonna CALL??
Sweet hoppin' Jeebus, y'all, I'm laughing again.
Gotta go, y'all. Gotta go.
Friday, June 23, 2006
A cavalcade of goodness, just for you
Thursday, June 22, 2006
See, there's this thing called a rhomboid major muscle..
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
A few letters I'd like to write
Dear Wake County Office of Growth Management,
Mwah! Kissies for you, lovely people who approved the transfer of our boys to the schools they currently attend but might not have once we moved because we moved out of the base area. Hugs and much love for the speed with which you approved this transfer and not making us go through the appeal process. Sparkly little hearts and stars to you for being cheerful and helpful on the phone and for calling me back and for making a nerve-wracking experience so easy and for providing the "right" outcome for our kids, who have been through enough transitions to last them a lifetime and who deserve a little stability now that we're settled into our newest new home.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Where's those marshmallows, anyhow?
Advertised as “the best in Jewish Camping,” but this goy would like to go up the Hudson valley to this pretty spot.
This is the place where we spent a lot of time when I was a kid. Loves me some showboat action!!!
When they say family fun, they mean it at this place in Connecticut. Plus, Cajun Fest! (Disclaimer - this was in our former hometown, and we know the owners. Still, fun!)
A sprinkling and smattering of offerings.
Search for yourself. Looks like a good source for "themed" camps.
Fat man jumping - follow up
Monday, June 19, 2006
Random random random
Friday, June 16, 2006
Yo-ho, ho! 'Tis time fer the Fridee mailbag ree-vyoooo!
Avast, ye bloglubbers, we're pullin' intah port with a vast store of queries and responses what as need tendin' to, or the good ship Tiff'll sink under the weighty matters aboard her. So, watch the sheets and lines, for we're offloadin' cargo!
(and no, I have no idea where the pirate thing came from. Sometimes weird stuff happens inside my brain)
My ears pop when I swallow. Is that normal?
Signed, Eustachianally Concerned
It's fine, but if they start snapping and crackling, get your head out of the cereal bowl already!
I'm in love with my next door neighbor, but he doesn't know it. I compliment him on his neat lawn, and on his flower-covered mailbox, and on his several cats, and on his taste in clothing, and I even dress up in cute clothes and wear makeup when I know I'm going to see him, but he doesn't seem interested in me. I'm a very pretty girl (or so my friends tell me). My passion for him is all-consuming; I think of him all the time. What should I do to take this to the next level?
Signed - Lovelorn in San Francisco
Ask him to go to a club with you, and let him pick the venue. If he ditches you at the door and you find him later dancing with a tall hairy man wearing a leather crotch sling, I think you'll have the answer to what his "next level" is. If not, then there's a chance for you. Good luck!!
I waste a lot of time at work when I should be doing something productive. How can I turn my focus onto what I'm being paid to do rather than spending time on the internet or hanging out with my friends in the smoking area?
Signed - Do-Nothing in Paducah
From your letter, it doesn't appear to me that you're doing anything differently than most people. Keep up the good work!
In recent weeks I've noticed that my toes are slowly turning blue, and a growing some kind of webbing between them that smells like blue cheese. Should I be concerned?
Signed - Curious in Seattle
Is it true that if human could travel at the speed of light they could reverse time by using a Bernoulli singularity to fold space into a annular ring of plasma and dark matter, thereby creating the possibility of alternate outcomes for a single-unit universe?
Signed - Curious in Manahttan
You made the last one up, right?
Signed- Curious in Raleigh
I have a little doggie that goes everywhere with me. I carry him around in a little purse and feed him little bites of my pate and fois gras when I'm pretending to eat. He wears cute little jackets by Vera Wang and he gets his nails done to match mine. My problem is, I haven't named him yet. What should I call my adorable little friend?
Signed - Devoid of Canine Nomenclature
How about "Shark Bait"? That's kind of cute.
And there you have it, y'all, the Friday mailbag, a recurring feature here on NAY when the headlines are full of doom and gloom and the photos of the day are all boring and there's nothing left to talk about so that I have to actually ANSWER QUESTIONS, when I COULD be doing something far more interesting like making fun of stuff other people do. Lordy, the suffering I endure for you people!!
Oh, yes, please keep those cards and letters coming, because I sure do need the scratchpaper.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Superheros don't sweat
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Bad ideas a deux
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
In which I whine about being a girl, and it's mostly not funny
Here are 2 words in combination that a lady should never have to experience:
Gentlemen - you will never know this feeling, so tuck your rejoinders of "but you don't know what it's like to get a boner in class" into the back pocket of your egos now and forever. You do not know. You can never know. You don't understand the sudden departure of a date, or why your wife only wears black pants 5 days a month, or why that hidden pocket in her purse crinkles, or why your normally sex-pot lover has a whole DRAWER full of underwear that your grandma would think is dowdy, because you just can't know. It's not how you're wired. We, the suffering females, forgive you for this, as long as you agree to STFU and let us whine.
Ladies - you know of what I speak. The sudden gushy feeling when you get out of your car, or the warm-ish sensation in your crotchal region while you're in a team meeting, or the wet "uh-oh" as you're pitching to the little league instructional team.
One effect of the failure of protection is that I have thrown away more pairs of hopelessly stained underwear than I care to admit. I have thrown some of them away at work, or in public restrooms, or someplace NOT my home, because the result of the failure can be catastrophic, to the point of admitting that trying to save the bloodied undies is not worth the three bucks it will take to buy a new pair.
A further note - my aging uterus seems to believe that its sole goal in life is to make me guess not only WHEN I get my period, but with what FORCE I'll get it. By golly, when I think that I'm going to have a delicate-flower-type time of it, doesn't that bitch of a 44-year old baby hammock open up the floodgates on day 3. Doesn't Little Miss Uterus 1962 decide to maybe wait 3 weeks between effluvial flows, and then hesitate an extra week or 2 for a couple of times in a row just to be a coy little crone, then stutter-step back to the tri-weekly triathlon of Cramp, Bloat, and Flow for a few rounds, always changing up the heavy days and the time-to-last-tampon just to keep things "interesting."
Between you and me, I'm rooting for menopause right now. Hot flashes and a risk of osteoporosis seem better than dabbing at myself in a gray bathroom stall, trying to clean up the endometrium that tried to make its escape in a sudden explosive bid for gory freedom.