Wednesday, April 29, 2009

One Farking THOUSAND, Beeetches!

I asked this morning on Facebook for some ideas about what to post in this thousandth NAY post. I had many an interesting suggestion (thank to those who know who they are, BTW), which I've concatentated into a SINGLE intro statement, because I'm all summarizey like dat. Herewith then:

"I've never told you about the time I wrote about some of my favorite products/things I can't live without, have I, nor have I
even written prolifically about it which could lead to much gloating about the wise decsions I make on dark and stormy nights while leafing through many a catalog of divine delights.*

So, here goes, for post the thousandth at NAY, the things I simply MUST have:

Charmin UltraStrong teepee. There can be no other. Three sheets is plenty enough for a pee-swabbin’, and not many more than that will fully clean even the gishiest poop smudge. It’s soft too, a bonus when cleaning up delicate buttal areas. I grea up on a steady supply of Scott toilet paper, which is cheap and comes a billion sheets on a roll, but once I delved into the world of quilted specialty bottom wipes there was no going back to something that reminds me of state park public facilities. No scrapey scrapey for me anymore!

Indigo Wild body spritz in patchouli, sandalwood-citrus, and frankinscence and myrrh. That’s 3 different kinds, not all mixed together. The spritz is non-aerosol, has no alcohol, is made of essential oils, and is guaranteed to have people sniff in appreciation.One or two pumps o’ the ergonomically designed plunger delivers enough olfactory pleasantry to last all day in a not-overwhelming way. At $10.50 for a bottle that lasts months, it’s also a pretty good deal.

Espresso-grind coffee in the automatic coffeemaker. El Pico, Bustelo, etc are mighty tasty. Once you’ve tried it, I swear you will NOT go back to regular old coffee. The flavor is robust, rich, and not at all bitter, much like a good spouse. It tastes good black, but benefits greatly from a glug of milk (preferably steaming) and a dash of sweetener. That first giant mug in the morning is what gets my eyes open and my system activated.

Payless shoes. I love Payless so much that I rarely buy shoes anyplace else. Ten, 20 bucks a pair, wear them for a year or two, then buh-bye without a backward glance. Payless carries my size (it’s ‘flintstone feet,’ if you must know (also known as an 11!)) in a wide variety, something most other shoe stores do NOT do. Plus which – BOGO! Love me some BOGO. It’s agreat feeling to walk out of a shoe store with 4 pais of shoes that came in at under 50 bucks. The way the Things go through shoes, I can’t imagine NOT shopping BOGO at Payless.

Crest toothpaste. It’s the one that gets the job done. Colgate’s minty freshness doesn’t last anywhere near long enough for this gal, Tom’s of Maine is good but pricey, those gel-stripe pastes are icky feeling, and Aqua-fresh is so hard it’s like putting floor stripper on your tongue. It’s Crest, baby, all the way.

For most other stuff, I don’t have a real preference. Laundry soap, shampoo, razors, flour, tennis balls, etc., do not have to be a specific brand. Hell, more often than not I’ll buy the store brand and save a few pennies. I LOVE looking at the bottom of the grocery receipt and seeing how much I’ve saved on in-store specials and crap like that. Oh wait – no to generic granola bars; they crumble instead of crunch. Also – Santita brand tortilla chips because they’re perfectly salty, very light, and have like 3 ingredients. OK, other than THAT I have no real allegiances.

(except Jim Beam, Yellowtail shiraz, ibuprofen not aspirin, real Q-tips, Sure anti-perspirant (unscented!), Calphalon cookware, and Target instead of WalMart).

See? I’m easy to please.


One of the folks who was over at the house last night parked right on our baby lawn, and turned a tire-tracks worth of nascent lawn into MUD. This ticked me off, until I remembered that we didn’t tell anyone to not park on the yard, so any bitching has to be done first at myself.

God I hate being so frigging self-aware. It’s all part of my growing fabulosity though, which of course is my new life goal. Must take the good with the bad, which includes beng all forgivey and understanding and crap like that.

NEXT week though there shall be forewarnings, and IF a yard-park of destruction occurs a second time I shall puff up in a righteous snit, then vent angrified sound bites of iration that will blister ears for a thousand yards in any direction, all at a barely perceptible level so that those within range might think they’re dreaming a long-winded bad-spirited stream of gasbaggery.

Or maybe we’ll just put up some orange construction tape and save me going to all the trouble of getting worked up.

There’s that fabulosity again. I’m a natural!


It's meeting time again. Y'all have a wonderful rest (FTFY LL) of the afternoon, won't you?

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