Friday, December 21, 2007

Special Edition "Not the News" Break!

Sometimes I'm puzzled as to why time and space were even thrown into writing certain stories that pass as news.


Torture chamber found in Iraq

Bush says Congress wasting time, money

Consumer spending surges in November

Study: Insured cancer patients do better

To all four of these "headline" stories I say a resounding "DUH"!

DUH there is a torture chamber in Iraq. Holy schnikes, y'all, have you seen the SIZE of that country? I'd guess, and this is just a guess, that there are several MORE torture chambers in the country, because there are freaks in every crowd wanting to have Mistress A'Kana spank their naughty bottoms or thumb screw them for wanting some pork. I mean, really. Duh.

And DUH Bush says Congress is wasting time and money. We did not need the POTUS to tell us this, nor to make a statement about it. We need him to tell us things we do not know, like when the Whole Iraq thing is going to end, or how we're going to balance the budget or how to pronounce "nuclear." Shoot, any third-rate coffee shop hack could tell us that Congress is wasting time and money; it's a Greek Chorus as old as time itself. Why, I'll just bet that in prehistoric times the first semi-organized tribal councils were accused of wasting time and resources as they sat around chewing the fat (perhaps even literally). This.Is.Nothing.New. Get back to work, Mr. President, and let the obvious lines fall from the mouths of those who have nothing better to do with their time.

And Supah-DUH that consumer spending would surge in November. Just, really. DUH.

Lastly, a monstrous DUH that insured patients who have cancer would "do better" than those who don't. Did anyone out there think that the folks with no insurance would somehow have the upper hand in this? Anyone? Also, what are they doing better IN, exactly? Survival? Yahtzee? Math class? Please, duh.


And sometimes the headlines are completely nonsensical.


For Scots, hogmanay took season's top spot

Which season? What's hogmanay? And WHY is this showing up in my "local" news?

Va. Tech to put peace program in Norris

Does Chuck know this?

Stocks rise on RIM, Merrill reports

So, Captain Steubing is now a Wall Street expert, eh? (and kids? You do not know how BADLY I wanted to make a joke about "rimming" and "rising" and such....but it's a family-friendly blog, daggone it)

Iraqi Shiite cautions on armed groups

The armless, of course, are not liable to get cautions shiite upon them.


Some days it's a mystery why I get out of bed in the morning...

This morning, for example was tough, because after last night's extravapalooza of a TSO concert I was feeling the need to lay abed. Oh, not because I was all partied out, but because after getting home at 11:30 I was too wired to sleep, so stayed up until 1:30 doing putter-y things, like wrapping Christmas presents, and getting a bloody nose, and trying to regain my hearing. When the alarm went off at 6, I shut it off and went back to sleep with the sort of prowess only a dyed-in-the-wool alarm clock ignorer can.

90 minutes later....I woke up for real.

And I think I have most of my hearing back. At least now I can hear my tinnitus again. Who KNEW I'd miss it?

The concert was unlike any I've ever experienced. The first half was some kinda Christmas story thing, in which a lot of carols were welded together around an angel's search for...something. I don't know what. Somehow a lost young girl was involved, and a bar, and liquor, which doesn't exactly scream Christmas, but in the end it all worked.


With lots and lots of lights. And fake snow, and fog machines, and mist and girl dancers and a sound system that packed such a wallop I'm sure it could turn charcoal into diamonds and laser lights and long haired guitar players and over-the-top narration and shout-singing and every single thing that every hair band of the '80's could ever have wanted to pack into a show.

All about Christmas. Wow.

Heh - after a few songs a couple of ladies a few rows ahead of us left. I'm pretty sure that the "orchestra" in TSO's name had them fooled. Ah well, their loss.

After the "Christmas part" of the show a bunch more people left, because I'm sure they thought the big doin's were over. But they would have been so very very wrong, for the band was just getting started.

OMG. "Proud Mary," y'all? Awesome. A whole buncha other LOUD tunes too, with FLAMES and elevated stages and gyrating dancers and well well well this isn't the family part of the show now IS it? By this time I was bedazzled and captivated. The drum solo frigging floored me. I let go of all pretense of propriety and started head-banging (in a modest middle-aged white chick kind of way)...and had a ball.

Yep -wired for at LEAST two hours after I got home. Simply excellent.

Thanks for inviting me Renn. And yes, I'm still your friend, you nut.

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