Oh Yeah Baby!

It's Friday! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

Uh-huh, it's time for the headlines, so let's get to it!

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Bush to outline aid to mortgage holders

Will try coloring within the lines tomorrow.

Bernanke: Ready to act if turmoil hits economy

Has chosen Hamlet's soliloquy as a starter.

China kung fu monks seek apology for ninja affront

The plastic kung fu monks had no comment.

Judge strikes down Iowa gay marriage ban

Iowa can now marry whoever it wants to. Massachusetts said to be elated.

Diana remembered at memorial service

Remembered WHAT, is the big question.

Pakistan's Bhutto gambles on Musharraf

He said the dice tickled his belly button.
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Dat's a New Feeecha!

Dueling Headlines:

1) Romney: Keep feds out of health care
2) Bernanke says Fed will do what's needed
(including acting by Bernie, one would presume)

Hmmmm, do I detect a whiff of pissing match in the wind?
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Consumer spending rebounds in July

Switched focus to upping free-throw percentage in August.

AND LASTLY, a human interest story, one that your family MUST KNOW ABOUT!

N.Zealand eyes labels to fight obesity

Folks down under are going to have a fight on their hands at this time next year, when food labels trained in martial arts and BMI will come out swinging if an obese person purchases any comestible that's more than 100 calories a serving. "Training the lables to fight obesity wan't all that hard, once we got them properly motived," says Terrence Ugnatrundlhamshire. "They're tough little buggers, and I'd certainly watch out for surpirse gut-punches and left hooks if I was a bit on the chunky side."

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If you can do better with these or other headlines, please do so in the comments. Otherwise, y'all have a superdeedooper LOOONG weekend, and I'll see you Tuesday.

Or Monday. Or maybe even over the "S" days. I really have no clue as to when. I don't plan these things, they're more a gift from above, really. A gift that you can't wait to open, I know.