Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The three-paragraph post

Recently, my good buddy Wordnerd has been on a "tiny post" roll, in which she blogs in three sentences or less. While this makes for rapid reading, and certainly ups the ol' post count in an expedient manner for the blogger, it does leave one with a sense of being cheated out of the fascinating panoply of happenings that might be occurring in her life right now. I mean, bring back the lovebugs already!

Tangentially, I've HEARD that a good blog post is done in 3 paragraphs or less, because people don't want to have to SCROLL DOWN through a whole post.


"People" are so damned lazy that they can't be bothered to SCROLL???

Which got me to thinking - how many people might be coming HERE, looking for digestible bits of trifle with which to avoid work for just a few minutes more, and wind up stalking off in digust at the EFFORT they had to undergo because of all the SCROLLING? My God! The horror! All those short-attention-span slacker homie and homettes gettin' their confuddled on at all the words! I'm sorry! Come back, I have something FOR you!

Yes, in a nod to all the scroll-leery oxygen thieves out there, and in an effort to blog like a real pro, I bring you my first (and perhaps only) 3-paragraph post.

Starting now. Well, OK, starting with the next paragraph, because that's really the START. All this other stuff was just backgrounding.


I believe a lot of disharmony in relationships could be rendered harmonius again with a little something I like to call "The Care Limit."

The Care Limit is like a speed limit - it keeps you safe, is there for your protection, everyone similarly engaged is expected to operate under the same set of rules, and it's enforceable. It works like this: if, for example, you are asked out to dinner and also asked where you'd like to go and you say "I don't care," then even if you HATE the place you wind up you cannot complain or whine or even breathe loudly during said meal out because you're abdicated your rights to bitchiness by saying you didn't CARE. Once you say that, you are not allowed to care about anything that relates to that decision point. Another example: Do you hate the color your wife picked out for the living room paint, but during the decision process could not be bothered to look at paint chips or go to the paint store or look at magazines or respond to any line of questioning that would have given even the least bit of a hint as to your preference? Too damn bad, pal, because your time for CARING was OVER when you were asked for your opinion. You cannot care about the shade of blue that your walls are going to be or offer suggestions about an alternate once the paint is purchased, because that ship has sailed right off the edge of your influence. Further, if you're asked about one dress or another or one tie or another or one lover or another and you respond "it doesn't matter," then you HAVE to be happy with, or at the very least not complain about, the dress, tie, or lover because you stated your lack of preference and it's to late to change up once the pitched decision is in the air. (building bad metaphors, one line at a time!)

Yes folks, The Care Limit can save time and effort on all those arguments you have about crap that should have been decided on only once. If you say you don't care about something, then you don't, and shouldn't, and most importantly, you can't. No fussing, no fuming, no huffing, no hissies, no nothing can accompany an outcome that someone "should have known" was your preference, because The Care Limit is in effect. You're an adult, so grow up already and remember to observe The Care Limit.


There you go. Three paragraphs.

Between you, me, an the internets? I don't think I can keep this up.

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