Ah yes, the old ways are sometimes the best ways. Let's go back to a wackier time in N.A.Y.'s history, and see what can be done with today's Yahoo news headlines!
Woods edges into lead at Dunlop Phoenix
Alchemy is proven at last. All it took were some trees and a legendary bird to create a base metal. Huzzah!!
Beauty queen puts down arms to save legs
Because, what's a beauty queen without a good promenade in a swimsuit and pumps? Forget the arms, who needs 'em? They just get in the way of gawping at the boobies, after all.
Golden Gate Bridge considers corporate sponsors
Golden Grahams? Gateway? Tropicana? Who's going to be first to rush into this prime marketing opp?
Study: Chocolate milk good for athletes
Be prepared for the Nestle's Quick to double in price next week.
Signs of warming continue in the Arctic
"It's minus 25 Fahrenheit in Barrow today, a balmy streak has hit our area. Watch out for the floods on main street, it appears as though the Arctic sea might be a little higher today due to this warm weather and some further polar ice cap melting. There are reports of icebergs by the school, crews are on their way to investigate. More on the spring-like temps at noon! "
Fighting breaks out after Iraq hijacking
Oh! What's this? People are fighting in Iraq? How very very odd.
(Jeez......how DID this make the news, anyhow?)
Strong Leonid Meteor Shower Expected This Weekend
All right - I'm not going to snark this one. I just think it's cool, and fully intend to be out on the front lawn at midnight wrapped in a blanket waiting for the show to start.
(A note, lest you think I've lost me edge and overlooked some other obvious targets: I'm not going to mention the gay penguin book flap or the Brazilian model who, at 5'8" weighed only 88 pounds and just died at age 21 of a massive infection she was too weak to fight off, or Prez Bush's comparison of the wars in Vietnam and Iraq, or the Rockets' win over the Bulls by ONE POINT or any of that other stuff, because sometimes the targets are far too easy and the snark just isn't satisfying when there's no work involved. So there.)
Here be a FITNESS UPDATE!!!! Woo-hoo!!
(if I'm going to keep this up, I'm going to need a theme song for this, don't you think?)
Today's effort in the quest to bring SkinnyBack: 750 meters in the pool in 26 minutes. Not QUITE a half mile (which would be 800 meters, or thereabouts), though I thought it was this morning before I looked it up on Google. Whatever.
Because I am stupidly curious about what this means in terms of speed, let's do the math!
750 meters = 30 lengths
30 lengths divided by 26 minutes = no, wait, that's not right.
26 minutes divided by 30 lengths = 0.867 minutes per length. There we go!
0.867 minutes = approximately 52 seconds
52 seconds to go 25 meters = a BLAZING 2-point-something-small seconds per meter pace!
OK - while I'm happy to have achieved almost a half mile in under 30 minutes, I see an opportunity to eat humble pie here. Let's quench my enthusiasm a little bit by comparing ME to an Olympic swimmer, shall we?
I'm primarily a breaststroker, so let's go get the current women's Olympic records for that.
|100m||Luo Xuejuan, CHN||1:06.64||Aug. 16, 2004|
|200m||Agnes Kovacs, HUN||2:24.03||Sept. 20, 2000|
1:06 = 1 minute and six seconds to go 100m. That's, ummmm, 16.5 SECONDS per length, right? Or, to put it on a much more personal level, that's something along the lines of about 4 TIMES as fast as me. Ms Kovacs, the Hungarian water wunderkind, is a little kinder to my ego, and does the 200 at a slighty slower pace, but, still, if we were in the same pool, by the time I'd have finished going up and back once she'd pretty much be done doing that 4 times.
I can give myself a little quarter for their ages (undoubtedly young) and all their training (certainly intensive), but, y'all, I'm bouyant! I should be like a hydrofoil in comparison to their toned little submarine bodies!
It's clear I have much work to do. More news as events progress.
Also, the new Wordsmiths challenge is up. You know you want to, so go ahead and DO IT ALREADY!!