Going pear-shaped

I think today might be a single-topic day too. What is UP with that?

No, wait a sec.

I can feel a secondary topic wanting to come on in ahead of the primary one in the queue. Yes, if I give it just a moment more, I can definitely feel something burbling up in the brainpan, rising to the surface, breaking free, as it were.

And this something is: please forgive me for being a bad bloggy friend lo these past few days. I’m laboring under the whole “I gotta new jooooob” thing, and daggone if I’m not actually trying to work. Grr, millennium hand and shrimp…….

If you get that last phrase at all, then I’m pretty sure I love you.

Anywho, please accept my apologies for being self-centered enough to have not visited you much these last few days. I fully intend to rectify (hee! I love that word) that situation over the weekend.

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Subtopic 2: Wordsmiths, darlins. Really. I’m writing mine tonight, and I hope to be able to post it tonight as well to get in under the “end o’ the month” deadline. We’ll see if the magic beans that the IT dude gave me to hook up to the interwebs works at home. My initial foray didn’t go so hot, but I’ve got a new handful of tricks from him to throw into the fertile soil of computer land.

Maybe something will sprout.

(Damn, that was kind of an awesome metaphor.)

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Also? Subtopic 3: no headlines again. I’m so sorry. Leave YOURS in the comments if you want to please. I’m getting withdrawal, but can’t organize the kind of time I need to troll the news sites for particularly badly written or confusing stuff. If you’ve got ‘em, flaunt ‘em, mmkay? And thanks.

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And now it's time for the...

MAIN TOPIC!

Point of fact: It is hard to give a cat a bath.

Point of fact-er: It is harder still to give a cat a bath by YOURSELF.

Despite Tammie’s warnings though, I did not get swiped in the titty by the claws of a kitty. Oh noes. My dear Albert was not all swipey, he was, instead, extremely stretchy (again!) and pissy. Oh, the “big eyes” were out in full force as the total impact of his pathetic situation became apparent to him.

Albert’s thoughts, if indeed he is capable of forming any, must have run along the lines of: sink bad, water bad, food giver bad, me kitty mad sad.

Albert, it is clear, is no fan of the bath.

I, however, am a HUGE fan, because what’s funnier than a wet cat? Not much, I tell you. Not much at all.

I know it’s not nice to laugh at a cat, for they are creatures of great dignity and poise, but DAYUM, when they’re all soaped up (a highly unnatural state in which to find a cat) and soaking, they LOOK funny. Add to that the pupils of hugeness and the stretchyness and the desperate attempts to climb ANYWHERE, including the faucet, which results in said soapy wet kitty getting a face full of warm water, causing him to sneeze, well then friends you have a recipe for certain hilarity.

Just don’t lose your grip on the wet kitty, for it is at that point that he will try to use your arms and abdomen as a jungle gym.

It is hard to hold a soapy wet angry kitty by his neck AND avoid getting slashed with razor-sharp claws. Not impossible, mind you, but damned hard.

The bottom line is that Albert the cat got DOUSED in flea shampoo from stem to stern, and the shampoo stayed on him for the requisite 5 minutes, after which he got a lovely rinsing with some luscious warm water (causing a new freshet of HATE to emanate from his dampened lithe form) and a TOWEL DRY from the food giver.

Good news: the towel drying was acceptable, as evidenced by regular-size kitty pupils. Good thing too, because those GIANT things were starting to freak me right out.

Now not only is Albert CLEAN, but the shampoo appears to have killed the fleas. Sweet victory! Amen!!

What poor Al doesn’t know is that he’s going to get another bath in 4 days. And “Revolutionized” in between, and that I have anti-flea SPRAY to spritz him with, and that I am a Tiff on a mission, armed with an arsenal of flea destruction.

And I’m NOT afraid to use it.

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Y’all have yourselves a fabulous weekend. I’m going to figure out how to pay off my car, and what kind of insurance I want from this new job, and how to rollover two 401K plans into one new one, watch the Things maybe pass the test for a new tae kwon do belt, go swimming, do some gardening (hellOO rose bushes, meet pruners!) and generally take it easy. If, by easy, you mean do all THAT stuff.

Oh, and websurf. I have a LOT to catch up on.