Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Ranking the Scans

Your medical professional will let you know if you must buy tickets to this ride.
In order of my preference of bodily scans, on a scale of 1-10:

1) Ultrasound: fun, slippery, motion pictures, 3-D live action, just a lil' chilly.  Ease level = 1.

2) X-rays: no pain, no chill, just 2D obscurity. Possible visual payoff at the end now that we are in this age of digital X-ray, which is very cool. Ease level = 1.

3) Mammogram: necessary:  Just do it, just don't wiggle around too much or the squishing will re-commence.  Play 'statues' with yourself and see if you win.  If the operator is nice they'll let you look at the insides of your own boobs at the end. Ease level = 2.

4) CT scan (with contrast): tolerable.  GI oral contrast kind of yummy (lemonade flavor).  Bed comfy enough.  Would be better without the IV contrast, to be honest, that stuff had my heart doing a jig for the first couple of minutes.  Breath holding a challenge.  Fast.  Nothing to see when they're done.  Ease level = 2.5.

5) MRI (with contrast): Somewhat tolerable.  Probably better if not done face-down.  Staying still is a challenge, many noises are a distraction, the light rock coming through the headphones barely cut through.  Contrast feels weird.  Like experiencing a light skirmish where your body is the actual field of warfare.  Also nothing to see when they're done.  Ease level = 4.

So, what on earth might be a harder level than laying on your stomach with an IV needling your arm while a whirring, clanking robot scans your body for deficits and you can do nothing but lie there quite still and allow things to happen?  I'll tell you: doing ANY of these things while in pain, or fear.  That's what the dentist is for - X-rays of broken teeth = a 7 on the 'ease' scale, at least.

In the last few weeks all of these things have happened to my body, and I was in no pain at any time (well, except for the dentist).  Not even for the IV installs.  Phlebotomists are getting good, my friends.

Next up: I'll rate my three, no FOUR, recent surgeries.  Newest one is in 2 days, so stay tuned!

Tiff out.

PS - the last couple of months have been interesting.


kenju said...

OMG! What have I missed? The lumpectomy wasn't the end of it?

tiff said...

Nope. More to come!