Thursday, September 13, 2012

Running the ant ranch

Our house is utterly disgusting.

Oh, it's clean alright, or mostly so, but as this is North Carolina it tends to be at the whim of Nature, who sometimes comes calling in the form of pestilences (pestinlenci?), mostly animalic in form.

Take THIS abhorration.  That's right, it's a ring of freaking ANTS, right next to another ring of freaking ants, who are here so often we've trained them to form RINGS, like a freaking circus, so as to amuse us while they're overtaking our home and eating all the chocolate they can find while silently cursing us in hive-mind ant-speak.

Because they totally do that.  All the time.

OK, not really.  They're actually feasting on Terro, the best ant killer-slash-macabre amusement for the very bored thing there is available for belaguered homeowners as ourselves.  One drop down, and in 5 minutes there's a little halo of ants, sucking up liquid death.  Which they will take home and feed to the other ants in their terrible little colony which is right under your (my) house.  Don't let that one keep you up at night.

I love the Terro.  It's a very amusing way to kill something.

ALSO, slugs.  *shudder* It's slug season, apparently, as just now there were no less that FIVE of the slimy snotballs oozing across the front porch, and a couple of weeks ago there was a big mutha LEOPARD SLUG in our kitchen.  Look it up, it's an awful thing.  CSB time, when heaving myself up from a gardening position a couple of weeks ago, I put my hand (accidentally!) down on one to haul myself to a standing position and came up with a mucus-filled palm like I haven't seen since the Things were virus vectors from the planet Daycare.  The zenith of gross, really.

Also, Palmetto bugs.  Cockroaches that fly.  We should speak no more of these foul creatures.  They're not worth the time God spent in making them, really (sorry God.  Some things you did?  Total loser experiments, IMHO).

Then there are the swarms of mosquitoes that will suck the very marrow from your bones as you try to harvest the sweet last fruits of a disappointing garden.  Way to heap salt on the wound, mosquitoes.  Who also carry West Niles Virus.  You asses.

All of that means that I'm officially ready for Fall.  Which, in NC, comes in December or thereabouts.

Three more months, three more months....


How Y'ALL been keeping?  Infested with the bugly world, as we are here, or snug as a bug in your own little rugs, happily immune from Nature?

(This is the kind of thing that happens when I've not posted for a while.  You get bugs.  Exciting!)

Tiff out.

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