Good thing too, because after the disappointing results of this week's lottery, I need me some riches, no matter what kind.
Here then are this Friday's Yahoo headlines, and how those of us who don't care to read beyond them could totally pervert their meaning. Oh yes, it's gonna be a great day!
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Israel urged to turn over Arab areas
And while some would say that a nice Danish or popover treatment would be better, turnovers it is for the Arabs!
Glamorous politician wants law to allow 7-year itch
A rider to the bill would also allow for a plague of boils and a river or two of blood.
Frequent Cell Phone Use May Slow Brain Function
Can you hear me now? How about now? Hey, what was that you said? Would you please repeat that? I just went into a tunnel/elevator/black hole/dip in the road and lost you. Are you there? Damn.
US resumes Blackwater convoys in Iraq
Oh Blackwater, keep on rollin', Sadr City moon won't you keep on shinin' on me.
1,500 Myanmar monks march in Yangon
I'd like to see them march in Yangoff myself. Might get messy though.
Five Democrats discuss health care in IA
Down at BillyJoe's Pack n' Go the few remaining liberals in the state gathered around the coffee pot to talk in hushed tones about their dreams for a socialized medicine program. They dared not speak too loudly, lest they raise the ire of Nancy who worked behind the counter. Nancy, you see, was quick with a handgun and an opinion of "those pinko commie tree-hugging hemp-smoking crackpot hippie America-hatin' Democrats," and the last few remaining liberals in Iowa were in no frame of mind to have their number dwindle any further after the unfortunate shooting of Tap Ramekin just a week before.
Astronomers: Neptune's south pole warmer
Than Uranus.
Snoop Dogg pleads guilty in baton case
How he FIT in there is beyond me.
Captain Pike is most impressed by this extraordinary physical feat.House Moves to Protect Air Passengers
Yes folks, it's an amazing thing to behold - every afternoon as the 5 o'clock flight from Boise swoops low into the Chatterling Regional Jet Depot, the old Bilroy homestead, which is directly off the end of the runway, has taken to stepping off its foundation and out of the way so that all those nice people on board the plane are just that much safer. And people thought that the haunting was going to be a BAD thing.
Giuliani builds political base in Texas
Plans call for it to lean to the right, be painted in shade of vibrant red, and be large enough to host a rally.
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Y'all have a great weekend now, y'heeyah?
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