Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Bumpy gritch

Hola, mi amigos!

Greetings from the land of"'Oh my Goodness It's Getting Worse"! Here in OMGITW current conditions are sneezy with a 90% chance of snot. Occasional outbursts of coughing are expected, so watch out for flying gobs of spittle! In traffic, you can expect nearly total blockage of the nasal passages. Also, road crews are testing the new municipal snot system, which promised twice the delivery rate of yesterday. Our reporter on the scene tells us that the difference is impressive!

In other words, I'm groaning again about being sick. You know how bad it is? It' so bad that I JUST NOW blew my nose and before I could wad up the tissue a bead of snot dropped into my coffee mug. THAT IS BEYOND GROSS!!! There is so much snot coming out with each blow that it can run in streams from the tissue! And this? Is after I took medicine to help alleviate my symptoms.

Also, as the sore throat meanders away, it had invited the 'puke coughs' to come in an keep me company. You know the puke coughs, right? Those are the ones that are so violent and sudden that you think you'll just go ahead and vomit while you're coughing, because your diaphragm clearly wants you to die.

Way to go, diaphragm. You do know that without me you're pretty much nothing, right? That without ME, you have to reason, no purpose! Do away with me and you're just committing suicide, and we all know that suicide is wrong and sad and we have so MUCH more fun to have together, so please, stop the violence!


I'm no good at being sick. Being sick sucks. However, I understand that I am in good company, as reports of ailing friends are popping up all over, so I suppose we can all whinge and moan in chorus, accompanied by our whistling lungs, while trying to not puke and blowing our noses raw at the same time.

If you're in the group of the afflicted, please feel free to be grumpy about it in the comments. If not, you'd best be admiring the style and substance of the comments from those who ARE sick, for if we cannot be well, at the very least we ought to be accoladed (new word!) for suffering in style.

Maybe tomorrow I'll stop being so egocentric and take time to comment on something other than my struggles, for even a monumental as they are, a topic change every now and again is a good thing.

Tiff out.

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