Friday, April 27, 2007

Why the heck NOT?

As we used to do every week around there parts, I present to you:

THE HEADLINES FROM YAHOO! (and my responses)

Iraqis welcome U.S. Congress vote but fear vacuum

Must be a Dyson.

Workers in short supply for U.S. nuclear power

Soilent Green is people!

(Think about it.....)

Schools banning iPods to beat cheaters

FIRST they took away the tunes, and NOW they're planning on breaking out the paddles. What is this, the 60's?

McGreevey, wife meet in divorce court

In a strange twist, the former politico from New Jersey has fallen in love with, and hastily married, an apparently female baliff named Pat while divorce proceedings were being held for the dissolution of his previous marriage. McGreevey, famously gay and out, told reporters "I wasn't expecting to flip-flop like this, but her mullet and tattoos just blew me away."

Cheney draws protests even at BYU

Unable to concentrate for even a MOMENT on the business at hand, Veep Cheney was once again seen wielding sketchbook and pastels, sketching scenes of civil disobedience while surrounded by a rally of the eager youth of Mormondom. Asked later about his recent obsession with capturing scenes of unrest in Thomas Kinkade-like color and light, Cheney offered that he was "drawn to art as a means of expressiing my inner turmoil and sensitive nature," after which he snicked rather unpleasantly and made jabbing motions with his index fingers.

Hawking flies weightless aboard jet

Sorry y'all - I'm not even going to bother snarking the headline. I would rather take this time to point out that he wasn't actually WEIGHTLESS, because even a tiny guy like the SMARTEST DUDE ON EARTH still has weight, even in zero G. One doesn't suddenly LOSE WEIGHT just because one escapes the clutch of gravity. Gah! Stupid headline! Make my brain hurt!

Destructive mite threatens Hawaii bees

In what can only be dscribed as a scene straight out of a John Waters movie, a wee little man has been seen throwing bricks and other construction debris at apiaries and bee hives throughout Maui. Locals say that the three-foot-tall man shouts menagingly while hurling his weapons of destruction, and has been heard to say "you so much as TOUCH me, sucka, and I'll cut you! Ka-POW!!"

Report: Tainted hogs enter food supply

I though ALL hogs had taints.

Hugh Grant arrested over "baked beans attack"

Apparently the one-cheek sneak attack on Kate Beckinsdale during a love scene didn't go over all that well. She called it an assulat on her person and senses, and had him hauled off to the pokey so he could "get it out of his system."

He's expected back on the set tomrrow morning, right after coffee.


There you go y'all. A return to days of yore, and about time too!

Happy Friday.

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