Wednesday, April 25, 2007


As I was blow-drying my hair this morning (for the first time in ages), I got to thinking about what to wear, because I've found that wearing clothing to work generally helps with 1) maintaining a proper body temperature, 2) avoiding unnecessary embarrassment for myself and coworkers, 3) keeping my butt from sticking to my chair, and 4) affording me a place to put my lunch money.

I perused the offerings on hand, and realized something about my wardrobe for the first time ever.

My fashion choices are all solidly in the "quiet clothing" category.

To wit: I have only ONE pair of shoes that click if I walk on a hard surface. I have NO lined pants. I have NO control-top pantyhose (ladies, you KNOW what I'm talking about). I have NO "hard" cotton shirts (ie - the stiff kind that need to be ironed). I have NO lace, crepe, satin, taffeta, leather, or other noisy fabric in my closet or dresser.

My clothing, in other words, is silent.

No squeaking belts. No tapppng shoes. No zip or swish or whoosh or crinkle accompanies my each and every movement.

This can mean only one thing.

I'm turning into a ninja.


I take this as wonderful news, because I have it on good authority that ninja are not ticklish.

I, on the other hand, am horrendously ticklish. All over.

Feet? Check.
Knees? Heck yes - to an alarming degree.

Waist? If you want a lesson in how hard I can punch, just sneak up behind me and poke me in the ribs. I bet you don't try THAT again.

Other bits of me are ticklish that most people would not suspect could be, like my shins, neck, lower back, shoulderblades, and wrists. It's insane.

I used to be really hypersensitive about people touching me, because the tickling would be almost painful if allowed to go on too long. Strike that up to my latent autism, I guess, because most autistic people do NOT like to be touched all that much - the touch is too much to bear, and they have to be conditioned to accept it and deal with it over time.

That ticklish/too muchedness is a strong presence in my life, and as such has led me to a life of quiet clothing that doesn't poke, prod, crinkle, itch, or announce itself.

The quiet clothing allows me to move silently through the world. Ninja are silent. They are also not ticklish. This would be a strong motivator to pursue the transformation.

Yup - expect me to start wearing all black and carrying nunchux any day now.

Ninja Tiff is on the way.

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