Friday, May 30, 2014

Another one bites the dust

probably almost enough candles
So, my birthday is tomorrow.

AGAIN.

Seems like ever year gets shorter and shorter until I’m having birthdays like every other month or something.  Is the Earth accelerating its sunly revolutions or something?  Sheesh.

I'm so old now that half a lifetime ago I was in grad school already, pretending to be an adult and having a marvelous time waiting tables at a fancy-dan restaurant, teaching microbiology to nursing students, writing up my thesis, and otherwise have a great time with a superior group of friends.  Ah, the Little Grill/Calhoun’s crowd - - good ol’ times.  HALF A LIFETIME AGO!  What has happened to the next 20-some years, anyhow?  Good grief, in another 20-some years I’ll be solidly in my ‘70’s wondering how I got to be THAT old, I’m sure.

What a kick in the chops.

To celebrate the ignominious occasion, Biff and I are going to see Mike Birbiglia at the Carolina Theater tomorrow evening.  Should be a good time.  It will be interesting to see how he stacks up against Eddie Izzard, who we saw last week.  Totally different performers, obviously; maybe I should do a ‘compare and contrast’ entry, like we used to do in high school.  I wonder if I even remember how to do a compare and contrast…I’m old, you see, and stuff like that gets ousted in favor or retaining the proper scientific nomenclature for stinkbugs (it's Pentatomidae).

Of course, my memory sucks anyhow under regular circumstances.  It takes me a minute to even remember what was for dinner the night before, so you can forget (heh) about me remembering stuff from childhood.  When I’m in the old folks’ home I’m going to be the one who is perpetually please at anything that happens day-to-day, even if it’s the same thing I’ve been doing every day for years, because I won’t remember it and it will all be fresh and new.  I’m OK with that, especially if I have this site and my old-school harcdopy journals to refresh my memory of what used to pass for a full and satisfying life.  Because it has been full and satisfying, you know, even if I don’t remember lots of it.  J

Hope you’re planning on having some fun this weekend, or at least not planning on hating every minute of it.  Chin up, folks, and let’s talk soon.


Tiff out.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I don't hurt as much as I thought I would

Ah, Memorial Day weekend, a luscious long weekend full of the promise of summery things like camping, or parades, certainly cookouts, and languid long afternoons spent relaxing and reflecting on the reason for the break from the daily grind.

Unless you're me and Biff.

Instead of relaxing and reflecting or doing any of those other marvelous normal things that Memorial Day weekend involves, we built at deck.  In Richmond.  Virginia.

"But why?" I can hear you say.  "Why give up a long weekend during which you could lounge and play to build a deck 120 miles away from the comfort of your own fully-stocked bar?"

One word: Friendship.  FRIENDSHIP.  (And some spendin' money, but friendship first and foremost)

You see, one of my dearest friends of long-term duration is doing a kitchen remodel, and hired Biff to do it.  "Hang on," you might also be saying (while interrupting the flow of my storytelling). "Kitchen does not equal deck, so what's the story here?"

The story is that first things must be first, and the First Thing in the kitchen remodel plan was to replace the charmingly rickety deck out back so that when the remodel time arrives the workfolk won't have to be toting large amounts of heavy and unwieldy stuff up carnival-ride steps and delightfully bouncy probably semi-rotten decking.  It's about safety, really, both for the workfolk and for my buddy and her daughter.  Can't have someone falling through unexpectedly!!  That's lawsuit territory!

And thus we began our work, confident that by Monday we would have conquered this initial task on the path to her new kitchen.  It's not a very big deck, so how hard could it be, after all?

Famous last words, of course.  Highly amusing, in retrospect, that level of innocence.

It wasn't unexpected that there was going to be some repair work done on part of the deck, as it was rather bouncy and in some places outright squishy.  That was on the radar going in.  What WAS kind of cute to discover that the original deck served as the ceiling for part of her basement, allowing moisture and dirt right into her house.  Isn't that adorable?  Just whang down some deck boards and who cares about little things like being weather-tight, right?  Pish-tosh on your notions of ensuring the boards don't rot out from accumulated years of exposure to moisture, that's something for future generations to address! That bit, the deck-as-ceiling-is-not-ideal issue, was primo on the list of things that needed fixing as you might imagine.  Good thing Biff is kind of a genius and came up with what should be a nicely elegant solution to the problem that will keep her basement from the elements for many years to come.  It just took some extra time devising the scheme, then figuring out how to best deploy said clever solution.  Nothing is ever as simple as it should be.

Throughout the weekend's process I tried to be as helpful as possible, but all I'm really good for is fetching things, holding a tape measure, and using an impact driver.  OK, I did also prepare meals, which is a strong positive on a jobsite.   I also learned how to use a post-hole digger (the clampy kind, not the spinny kind), which is not as much fun as you might think and involves lots of upper-body work, which I apparently desperately need given my staggeringly weak performance digging said holes.  It would likely have gone faster if I'd hired a troupe of trained squirrels to remove the dirt tiny handful by tiny handful.  A humbling experience.  Even so, I did give it my best, and thought for SURE I'd be very sore today between wrangling that awkward piece of equipment and using the very heavy smashy stick (tech speak, yo) to bust up the clumps of brick and concrete that were in the space here we wanted our new hole to be, but nope, apparently I wasn't trying hard enough because there's not as much pain as I'd imagined there would be in the shoulder region.  The bits that are talking more loudly are my hips and knees - because of all the stairs involved in getting up and down for fetchery or screwery (the deck-ish sort!) or cookery or bathroomery (they're on the top floor of her house) or simply to get into the house.  We are very much not used to all those stairs, which is another point to consider improving upon in my newly-evolving Get Thee Back Into Shape Plan, version eleventy-hundred.  And also - my thumbs hurt.  There is no clear explanation for this, and no way to work it into the GTBISP.

Achery aside, in the end it feels good to build things, to improve in a tangible way something that needed improvement, and when it's for a very good friend who appreciates the work and lets you sleep in her very own personal bed while she takes a mattress on the floor of her daughter's room, well it's a pretty good gig to have.  Even with the sore thumbs.

How did y'all spend YOUR holiday weekend?

Tiff out.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

FEAR ME!

Things I've Done Since Arriving Home Tonight:


  • watered the garden
  • watered the porch plants
  • washed the dishes
  • unloaded the dishwasher
  • decided what's for dinner
  • started thawing the necessaries
  • fed cats
  • washed down kitchen countertops
  • poisoned ants.


I'm pretty proud of that last one, which is evil and wrong from a 'live and let live' perspective, but ants in my house are Uninvited Guests and thus must be fed a delicious, delicious last meal of homemade Terro before sending them off to their dreadful lairs to pass along the gift of DEATH to their colony-mates.

They love the homemade Terro (recipe below).

It was kind of cute, really, to see the upsurge in interest once the scouts had had their fill and gone back (not very far, evidently) to the colony to alert them that sweet death was theirs for the having if only they'd come out from that crack between the kitchen window and the moulding for a taste.  Little antennae kept popping out of the crack, waving around excitedly.

'Woo, Terro!  I've heard this stuff is RAD!' at least one of them must have said.  'I've heard about this stuff and it will MESS YOU UP!!  Woo!!'

Woo, indeed, tiny ant.  Woo, indeed.

---

Homemade Terro:

a shake of Borax (1/4 - 1/2 tsp)
1 Tbsp honey
1/2 tsp warm water

Mix, then set out where you see the lil' darlins.

If it looks like they're croaking before leaving the bait, use less Borax.  If they don't go away after a couple of days, use more Borax.  Be prepared to have MEGA ANTS for a while until they get the message and skedaddle/die en masse.

Now I'm off to watch them drink up eternity, and cook dinner.

Tiff out.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Happy and sad

 Had a very weird thing happen to me this morning, completely (or so I thought) out of the blue:  I missed my 'little' kids.

Like, my kids when they were little-er.  Preschool age to about 8 years old, to be specific.  Like this:

Photos by  Brucejohnsonstudios.com

I missed their boundless love, their sweetness, their sense of wonder.  I missed their cute faces and watching them become who they were meant to be, I missed the enthusiasm for fire trucks and dinosaurs and I missed their affection and I missed reading to them and I missed doing fun projects and just, well, the experience of being a Mom to 2 wonderful little boys.

And I sat at my kitchen table and cried, then slapped myself upside the head (figuratively) to get my act together because WHO DOES THAT KIND OF THING??  Who cries for that past children that were, when there are 2 strong healthy bright young men in the house to wonder at and be thankful for?

It can't just be me, can it?

---

My Aunt passed away over the weekend.  My Mom's oldest sister hadn't been in good shape for a while, she was unable to see or hear, for example, and that's no kind of life to live.  It was therefore not unexpected, but still, even when you know it's a blessing to be released from suffering it's still hard to know that the last breath has been taken, that last act of so many has been reached.  From now on her presence will be only ripples where she used to paddle.

Time marches on and takes us all.   I don't think I care for that all that much, to be perfectly honest.

---

On a happy note, we did have a nice visit with my Mom over the weekend (yes, she got that call while frolicking at the Tiny House), with chatting, a play, card games, cooking, and brunch among the activities.  She's getting along great, it was fun to hang out with her, and I'm grateful that she came down to participate in the grandkids' 'things.'

The 'thing' in question was a theater production of 'Hairspray' at the local high school; Thing 2 was in the pit orchestra as 1 of 3 trombone players among a very strong group of instrumentalists.  The pit did great, the actors did great too - it was a fun production.  As I've said before, I am so SO happy that the Things have chosen music as their deal; they have had so many great experiences already and will have a lot of skills under their belts by graduation that a lot of kids don't understand.

So, a happy thing, for sure.

---

And lastly - we've had tornadoes around here the past few days. Sneaky things, those tornadoes, and the cause for serious alarms going off at 4:30 in the morning telling folks to 'find shelter!' and 'stay away from doors and windows!' and such.

Which of course, for some people, mean they run to the front porch with the camcorder (OK, phone) and start snapping pictures of funnel clouds.

Wait, what?

You heard it here first, y'all.  You wouldn't BELIEVE the number of contributors to the local teevee station were providing photos they'd taken themselves of various tornadic activity.  Really.  Their first reaction was to go 'oh, hey, there's a tornado!  Let's take pictures of it until the winds rip the phones from our hands and our heads from our necks!   That's a great idea!!'

That's a special kind of stupid, or am I being too harsh on the neighborhood stormchaser?

One wonders.

Tiff out.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Pump up the volume!


Every week on Tuesday at 2:30 a dude here at work goes into a small room right next to my cube, shuts the door, and initiates a teleconference.  He then proceeds to shout at the phone for an hour, making every word he speaks completely crystal clear to those of us who sit within a 20-foot radius.  I know this is the correct distance, because I just went and asked a collegue who sits further away if he could hear the call, and the answer was a firm 'Yes.' 

Dude is in a room, with a shut heavy wood door, talking to a phone that is 1 foot from his mouth.  We can still hear him.

Worryingly, he’s not necessarily talking about mundane stuff!  Sometimes dollar amounts come up, sometimes future plans sometimes personnel changes  This could be important, and I don’t need to hear it, but how does one get that message across that he’s being really rude without meaning to?

(Whoa - Holy smokes – it’s getting LOUDER.)

Do I knock on his door and give him the stink eye, or slip an anonymous note under the door, or email him later on with the details of his call?

I think I’ll go with the email.  Minus the call deets.  Just tell him, nicely, that if he wants to use his outdoor voice there’s a place for that, AND IT’S OUTSIDE!!

(Walks off to think on it and escape the clamor)

Oh, joy, I have returned, and the call has ended early!  Yes!  Sometime during that 10 minutes of laps I just walked around the building he ended the call.  Peace has returned.  I can think again.


Until next week…

---

Just so you know, I'm wearing a new shirt.  I am not sure if I like it yet, because it's not made of knit material and I forgot to cut the tag out of it this morning.  The arms are too tight for me (which mean they actually fit properly and I'm not swimming in the shirt) and I'm not sure I look all that good in red.  It's not the same shirt I usually get, in other words, but I'll give it a shot.

It's not the most horrible shirt I've ever put on - that honor goes to the dreadful bodysuits of the '70's that never stayed snapped up all the way and were made to make the wearer sweat and were itchy as all get out.  *Shudder*  Yuck.  This shirt is nothing like that, and yet I know as soon as I get home I'm taking it off to put on something baggy, knit, and soft.

Totally looking forward to that moment.

Tiff out.

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

It's 5 o'clock somewhere

Five o'clock around these parts
the sun still hangs high in the sky
looking like 2
but it's not,
it's quitting time.

Five o'clock today I walked
through our front door
loving the shiny floors
and how the light bounced
brightly, cleanly
on them.

Had all kinds of plans at five o'clock:
clean this
straighten that
fold those
update that
cook this
research that
do
do
do

But to start,
At 5-oh-five I poured a drink
and sat down
only for a moment
to rest and recharge.

Two-point-five hours later
this is what I've done:

I felt the day end
sensed the sun slipping down
heard the hushing up of traffic
watched day turn from gold to blue
then purple, now black.

I sat with the birds
excited as they at the roosting time
smiling at their peep-peep-peep
as they announced bedtime
one, after another, after another.

I sniffed warm air
then tepid
then lukewarm
then cool
and brought the plants in.

I did, mostly, nothing
except be in the world
at the moment
in that time
for no other reason that to
live in it and not be so busy
trying to make one of my own.

Two-point-five hours later
the world looks, feels and lives
very differently that it did at five o-clock.
I am happy to have spent this time
with the world, saying hello
And goodnight.

Someday, when I am old
When eyes and ears have failed
This will be what I live in when day turns dark
The lowering traffic
The festive peeps
The golden arms of sun
And I will be happy to have spent this time
In the world.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Yo, my peeps!

This post is for the birds.

Does anyone even SAY that any more?

Doesn't matter, I just did, and I'm leaving it as it's a wicked (dun dun DUUUUUN!) foreshadowing of the topic of this entry.

DID YOU GUESS 'BIRDS'?

OMGYOUARESOSMART.  YOUARERIGHT!

This is, in fact, about birds!

But why birds?  Why not something interesting, like a recipe or the proper way to iron a placketed shirt?

Here's why - I'm thinking of cutting down trees.

Trees that house some very speciala guests: my peeps.  My cutie-pie adorable little peeps, who at dusk every evening set up a fluttery chorus of 'peep, peep, peep!' for about 10 minutes, until the day goes blue and presumably that's their bedtime.

Two months ago they were peeping at 5:30, not they peep at 7:30.  But they are faithful to peep every day (kind of like these little guys at about 1 minute in) and it cheers me up tremendously.

But they live in an overly tall hedge of Leyland Cypress that are going bald at the bottom and thinning through the middle (interestingly, normally as one ages those things happen exactly oppositely!).  Those trees are not looking so hot at present, and if the tree guy says they can't be saved, well then they might just have to go.   They're there, after all, to off some privacy, and when I can SEE the preschool next door through the branches, it's obvious that that whole privacy thing is not really working so great.

Important to keep in mind here: as implied above,  if I cut down the trees, the peeps will have no place to perch to peep, and I might lose my little buddies who I really do love.  THEY ARE SO CHEERY!!

What to do?   Do I let the trees just die slowly, providing housing for the wee peepers, or do I do the unthinkable and chop down the trees with their peeply lil' birdies (and, presumably at this time of year, their birdie babies?

Oh, I just went there with the babies thing.

A new level of pathos unfolds.

No.  NO. I can't do it.  I can't cut down the trees! Not with chickie-chickie-babies as a potential collateral damage point.

Could you??

Keep in mind - THEY'RE CHEERY.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

A few random things rolling around that need to be evicted.

HEALTH NEWS SEGMENT!

I’m sure you know by now that I have become a ‘woman of a certain age,’ with all the attendant joys thereto.  Oh yes, the joys.  Wrinkly old-lady hands, strange under-eye skin, dry hair, let’s not even TALK about the chestal region, and, recently, a chin whisker.

ONE.

A unique little darling, quirky and original.

So naturally, I call it Tracy Lynn.  I’d like to think she would approve of this.
--
FOOD NEWS YOU CAN USE!

Biff made ‘Fish with hobo spices’ for dinner last night.

It was spicy, as you might expect for a dish that involves that much of many different kinds of pepper.  I can dig spicy, we’re pretty good buddies, but this dish flirts with bordering on ‘too much.’  Doesn't touch the border, mind you, but it definitely approaches the line.

I didn’t eat but about half of mine last night, so brought it in to work with me today to have for lunch.

And, wow.  It took me 30 minutes to eat ONE tilapia filet, because overnight in the fridge the spiciness not only CROSSED the border, but did so with tanks and heavy artillery.  Holy schnikes, I just about needed a drool cup.  Each new bite was a powerful blast, an explosion, an assault, but I was not vanquished nor beaten by a piece of fish!  Oh no - I withstood the onslaught, raised my defenses (lots of water), and soldiered on, masticating the maruading attack into submission and finishing it all up like a good girl.  I, in short, WON.  Over FOOD.

I’m sure you’re as proud of me as if I was your own child finishing a grueling marathon or winning an award for best penmanship or something.  I really love that about you. 
--
WEATHER ALERT!

Mother Nature is pulling out all the stops today for the first day of Spring.  Good Lord, it’s gorgeous outside.  In the 60’s (F), sunny, a little breezy – perfect.

Compare that to what nonsense was going on earlier this week, with the sleet and the frizzle and the snow and wind so fierce it blew the chimey bits off our windchimes (our neighbors might not be so sad about this), and I’m pretty confident in stating that Mother Nature is a schizo freakjob with a definite sadistic streak.

Whoever is out there with the tub of Chiffon trying to passit off as butter, knock it off!  It’s been over 40 years, that ruse doesn’t work, it just pisses her off, and you’re making all of us suffer!  Lay off!
 --

PERSONAL INTEREST STORY!

I also prefer butter, so understand the anger.
--

VAGUELY PERFORMANCE REVIEW-ISH!

Well, that's it for now.  I feel better getting all of this Very Important Information to you in a timely manner and within budget.

Tiff out.

Thursday, March 06, 2014

The Blog is Dead! (Long Live the Blog!)

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
We are all savvy consumers of eGoods by this point, with our ethises and ethats pouring into our brains and homes at a pace faster than a galloping gazelle.  eBooks!  eFriends!  eFamilies and sheets and blankets and lives and alter-egos and fandoms and playmates!

Of course it really all started with eMail.  Then it was chatting on ‘boards’ or ‘rooms,’ how quaint.  Then IM, then came blogs.  Ah, blogs.

I started thishere blog in the fall of 2005, or about 8.5 years ago.  I was in a very different place in my life, with a very different brain, but all along in the blog thing I meant only to write as myself, for me, about me, sometimes only TO me.  It was a heady time of personal blogs, with everyone having at least one, and some of us tapping away on multiples, several times a week.

All for fun.

(OK, there was the Shrinking Piggies blog, which was for motivation, but we had fun there too!).

I am sad to report that, as reported before here among other places, things have changed and the tide has not yet turned back to 'blogging for fun.'  No, nowadays it appears that it's blogging for profit,' which is not the same thing at all.

Today I read this festive little piece about how to get started in blogging, build traffic, and eventually turn that ol’ blog into a money-maker.  It’s divine….ly depressing.  Note how the notion of ‘blog’ is now a topic-bound item, with no room for ‘middle of the night ranting.’  That you have to find your ‘niche,’ and trackback, tweet/retweet, pingback, link lavishly, namedrop, cajole, wheedle, and spit on your thumbs to make any success at all from your blog.  You have to put in HOURS of research for one post, so writing even just one post daily is like a full-time job, but hey Mister if you want to be a world-famous blogger, you have to put in the tough hours, do the hard work, nose to the grindstone (or screen) and churn out that dang work.

Yuck.

No.

That’s sounds like about as much fun as….working, and I do enough of that already.  So, don’t listen to that dour buzzkill, kiddoes – just write from the heart, write fast and furiously, do what you love and the money will follow!

Just as long as you remember that retweeting thing.  That probably works.

---

If you are ever in the market for a new dishwasher, don’t even THINK of getting anything but a Bosch. 

Wise words you’d do best to heed.

---

Our roof needs to be replaced, the house needs to be repainted (or re-sided), it’d be nice to have a new-to-us car for commuting purposes (gas savings, here I come!), but what I would REALLY do if I had an extra few thousand bucks?

HOT TUB.

Aw, yeah.

What would YOU do if you got an extra, say, $5000 to use however you wanted?  I’m thinking hot tub is #1 on most lists, am I right?

Do blather on about your choices down in the comments, and we’ll see one another again soon.


Tiff out.

Monday, March 03, 2014

Iced in, like a fine keg.

We'll get to it...
OK, so winter's come around again, blowing and hollering like a toddler who's 2 minutes from embarrassing his folks in the grocery store if he can't have THAT BALLOON RIGHT NOW and by right now I mean yesterday and even then it's too late, here come the tears and screaming.

Because, Wow.

To contrast with whatever evil is happening outdoors right now (30F and sleeting at the mo, thought it might be in the 20s by now, such is the temp slip) hear this:  Saturday we took a lovely walk in a nature preserve in north Raleigh, sans coat.  Sunday (yesterday, obvs) we had the house windows open because (check this) it was 70 outside and 65 inside.  Open the windows to warm the place up.

Then close them real quick to keep the heat in, because today flings itself in faster than Johhny Weir can triple toe loop and we're slammed into the 40, then 30s, then (likely) 20s, with all forms of precipitation imaginable in the ordinary course of things (no blasting steam, for example), and enough wind to dry your granny's bloomers in a minute flat.  I had to take our flag down out of a sense of compassion, such was the whipping about (and also rain, because I'm kind of a purist when I think about rain and American flags.  Take that bad boy down when it's raining!  I know, it's a chore, but if you're around, don't let it get wet.  Who likes a sodden symbol of our great nation?  No, it's like seeing Fabio with wet hair and a zit.  Nobody wants that.).

So, anyhow.  Winter.

Dammit.

One thing it's good for, I SUPPOSE, is cooking, but after last night's al fresco meaty grillin' time, stewing things is a less-than-awesome alternative.

Too bad I don't have ingredients for this in the house. Come on.  Dill pickle, cream cheese, and salami wraps?  You KNOW you would.  And it's totally paleo.  And gluten-free.  It's HEALTH FOOD, in a shiny salt coating.  MmmmMMMmmmmm.  Certainly the ice in my adult beverage would combat the resultant dessication and subsequent dehydration.  It would be SO worth it.

---

This post sponsored by The Parentheticals (A new puppet troupe out of Shenegwa Falls, NY specializing (but not exclusive to) paper products, large things on sticks (no animals used), Frenchy-sounding pastimes, and subtitled mime shows (in nine languages! (we know!))), and Sister Johnny the Emphatic, RESOUNDING supporter of ACTION VERBS and emphasis in writing since 1964's Vatical commisure on writing, which was really dull and uninspiring in her opinion so she's been bringing the VERVE to the world through author support for lo these 50 years.

Thanks to both.

Tiff out.


Saturday, March 01, 2014

There isn't much to talk about

My typing skills are so poor that I had to go all 'bridge of the Enterprise' in the light turning-on procedure to see well enough to type this post.

Sink light - on.  Crown moulding light, on.  Desk light, on.  Buffet/ha-ha it's a convenience corral light, on.

Now I can see the keyboard, and write.

---

Not that there's much to talk about.

Except Kaply died, and that hole is too big to even start to fill in yet.  Here, a week and overmore since she passed, there's nothing to really say except 'well, shit.'

Well, shit.  We all knew she wan't the wellest person on the block (or city, state, country, or world), but somehow she was SUPPOSED to live with use until our old age and we would care for her in thought, word, and deed.

Turns out, it's the deeds that we couldn't do, nor could anyone else, and that sucks beyond everything else.

So it's there I dwell, in the small spaces that allow such indulgences.  Surely, she would have moved on by now.  However, to the eternal-11-year-old that I am, I can't help whispering at the shy corners of possibility, 'what if'?

---

Also, I got fired from a project team.

First time ever.

It sucks.

But..moving on.  While still supporting the team in a way that they can gustate.

Which leads me to certain hallway verbal drivebys that say one thing, but mean another, where the certain former team members are concerned.

Busy turning the other cheek, am I.

Practicing is hard, so much I want to smack some people but cannot.

---

I miss ranting.

---

On the plus side, I'm yet again part of our town's cemetery tour this year, so come on out on 10 May and have a bit of creep under the turf with us.  Many interesting and influential folks are interred not but about a half mile from the Tiny House, so we could make it a party!

Aside from Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and Lake Week, it's my favorite part of the year.

---

Tiff out.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Short Flat Driveways are my favorite kind.

You may have heard a thing or 2 about the weather we've been experiencing here in the Triangle Region of North Carolina (just don't call it 'Raleigh-Durham,' because there's not a place by that name and we're not sister cities and each has it's own personality, so DANG!!).

We.Got.Snow.

Then some sleet, followed by rain, then back to snow, and in there things got really bad on the roads. Like, really really bad.

You may have seen the by-now iconic photo of the mess that was happening in North Raleigh with a car on FIRE and other strewn into ditches while pedestrians walked calmly among the mostly-stopped vehicles as they tried, and failed, to make it up a 2% grade hill.

You haven't?

Well, here:

You have to admit, that looks pretty bad.  Chaotic, even.  That snow came down hard and fast and slippery onto roads that were well-chilled and uncharacteristically, we didn't as a region have that 1-2-hour window in which to drive home in relative safety after the snow starts to fly.  This was some purely uncivilized snow, folks, and threw the region for a real loop.

This was 4-6 inches of BADNESS, starting with a bang and ending with a meme.

It is to laugh.

---

An illustration of the hijinks that occurred on the road yesterday - over 100 reported accidents in the Triangle in the first HOUR after snow started falling.

Folks, people are all 'yuck yuck yuck' about Southerners driving, but that doesn't hold ANY water for me in this area particularly, because if you can FIND a native North Carolinean out on a snow they are either rushing to give birth or on their way to a basketball game.  There is not other reason to endanger yourself like that.

So, chew on that.  Whomever was out there driving was likely from 'The North,' proud of their track record, and boastful of their abilities driving in snow.  'Cept the NC snow isn't like Northern snow, it's slick and slippery and wet and somehow gummy, not the crisp fresh squeaky snow that generally falls north of Philly.

So, mock away, Redditors and FARKERs, those ignorant Southerners you call out in your better'n you posts about driving in wintry weather?  Mostly about y'all's families.

Bless your heart.

Tiff out.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Sometimes my brain goes there.

A Love Story.

---

Gavin, do you love me?

No, I don't.

But why, after all we've been through!

No, can't say as I do.

Even after being through the monkey scourge, the time without oil, the terrible cloud formations, the victory over our neighbors, the times we've spent together?

You forget the time you burned the house down because you were angry.

But that was because you didn't do the dishes properly, and the rats were coming in.

You didn't tell me they had to be done right away, and I'd never done dishes before.

Certainly you were old enough.

Sure, right, think what you want.

I love you, you know, and so you should love me.

I don't.

Because of the dishes thing?

You burned down the house because I didn't do dishes properly when I was three years old.

Old enough to climb onto the kitchen counter to get a cookie, old enough to wash dishes, Curtis said.

Curtis was an idiot.

You shouldn't say things like that about your second stepdaddy.

A real peach, he was.

Yes, he had a way about him.

You're right about that.

And don't forget that time we went to Mexico and came back and got rich and visited Disney and had breakfast with Mickey; surely you love me for that!

I was 17, it was too late for Mickey.

Gavin, you are hard on me, I never wanted anything except for you to love me.

It's not going to happen, Mom.

Why not, Gavin?

Got to go, Mom, see you next week.

At least have them take off these restraints so I can hug you, my boy.

No, the last time I did you tried to stab me with a plastic fork.

I never did.

You did, last week.

You must have deserved it.

See you next week Mom.

GAVIN, come back.

Next week, Mom, like always.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Bedsticks and broomknobs

Been a quiet time in my little dusty dark corner of the internet.  Mighty quiet.

Lazy, too.

Wonder how it’s been for you?


OMG a real door!
In the cube farm at work there are many wonderful and varied ring tones from many a cell phone and work phone and ‘soft phone’ by which to be distracted throughout the day.  Why, one that sounds like a chime just went off, as it does approximately 60 times a day!

Used to hear the soft ‘hoo hoo’ of a loon when a former cube neighbor’s phone rang with a call from her Dad – the loon has left the building, unfortunately because he has since passed on, but the horse whinny and cry of the cardinal are still there and reverberant whenever members of her family call.

Some folks have rock tunes that start up, some have a simple buzz.

As for me, my phone is on ‘vibrate’ 90% of the time.  I do not contribute much to the noise problem here at Grand Central Station.  It is enough to have the chorus of other people’s electronics, the stomp-clomp of their feet in the hallways, the whirr of the coffee machine, the spitspitspit of the water dispenser, the rumble of supply and janitorial carts, the giddy laughter and deep conversations of people both near and far reverberating through my personal workspace.  I don’t need to contribute to that with random outbursts of cell-phonery.

Which, of course, is why I miss a lot of phone calls.

Hey – I’m an introvert.  I don’t mind missing calls.


It’s nearly 3 p.m.  Our building has about warmed up enough to not freeze my nose hairs when I inhale.

Seriously – this building is an icebox in the winter, generally.  It’s a necessity to grip a paper cup full of bad coffee throughout the morning just to keep fingers limber enough to type.  A steady stream of warm decaf keeps the ol’ core temp hot enough to stay awake, at least through lunchtime, when there’s a slight but perceptible shift in the temps toward ‘tepid,’ which is a great change from the ‘downright chilly’ of the morning.

It’s understandable when the outside temps are in the teens, that heating a large building such as ours can be a challenge.  I get the notion of not wanting to introduce to much of a temp swing during the daily cycle, and to simply let the body heat of your employees (and contingent workers, and third-party ‘guests’) do most of the heavy thermometer lifting, but dang.  If I have to wear gloves and a parka just to keep from drifting off into a hypothermic sleep, isn’t that a little MUCH?

Good thing I’ve scoped out the ‘warm rooms’ in the building.  There are 2.  Once of them is reservable on our meeting manager system, the other is our dedicated team room that only ‘key personnel’ such as myself can use.  They’re good for a nice dip in the near-70-degree pool of air for a while, and sometimes, if nobody’s taken the team room, I’ll just sit in there and back for as long as possible.

It also has a door.  That shuts.  And shuts out noises.  It is, truly, a happy place.


Well, I’m planning on having a weekend.  How about you?  Do let’s catch up in the comments area – it’s been too long.


Tiff out.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Because, yes.

"Hey, I'm about as areligious as you can get without being an asshole atheist, but I would never, ever knock the power of prayer to provide comfort in a situation where you know you are dying.

Even if all it's doing is providing psychological comfort akin to a placebo, it can still be a powerful coping mechanism for people who believe, and more power to them if they find peace and acceptance of their fate that way."

===

Dear anonymous internet person - thank you.  You right my ship.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The 'tornado', and being satan

Today was an unusual day, warm and moist, the very perpendicular opposition of what had been four days before.

Strange things, therefore, were afoot.

Indeed, and there were.  Bloated gray clouds above, expanding pipes below, the loosening of cold-cramp from a thousand shoulders, with a wary eye cast toward forecast and chickens, who know when to go to roost.

We do not have chickens, but let me imagine that part.  They would have been fast abed the entire day if allowed, I'm sure.

The HVAC man was due here between noon and 3, he showed up at 1.  The skies were overcast, but no ominous.  I, therefore, took Thing 1 t to Sweetie-pie-boo-boo-face''s house (his girlfriend) and returned to finish business with the Dude.  As I pulled into the driveway, there was a tugging wind.  As I walked up the porch stairs, there was a pulling wind.  As we talked about his services rendered and possible next steps, there was a DRIVING wind, with attendant thick rain driving sideways and bending tree branches plus flying greenhouses, at which point we retired indoors to complete business.

Three minutes later, there was no wind, no rain, no threat of imminent doom.  HVAC guy was able to get the whole-house filter installed, and promised to come back for the necessary blower cleaning.

Because, what's to say to one another after you've experienced an almost -tornado together, really, except "OK, see you soon"?

Those three minutes were scary, y'all.  And thrilling!  You should try it!

---

The thing about being satan?

You should know first that I am a Christ follower, a Christian, a believer in He who came as a sacrifice for our sins.

I believe all that, y'all, after MUCH soul-searching, questioning, bad behavior, utter nose-thumbing, meek acceptance, ferocious denial, and final open-armed laying out of self to Him.

It's weird, I'll admit.

But I'm fine with it.

Christ is my savior.  God is my Creator.  There, I've said it.

But.  It still can't keep me from wanting to question. Like Satan poking at Christ in the desert.  To probe.  To play the devil (or his advocate)  in order to figure out or at least find out more about the reason behind the believin'.  I cannot stop questioning this thing, this God'Christ thing, because it is fascinating and challenging and moving and essential.  So, if you are in conversation with me about the God Thing ( or want tobe , or can't wait to shoot me the nuclear 'ohellno' gun), in whatever way, please know that I am still seeking,still questioning, still wondering, still doubtful, still an open invitation to conversation.

Just laying that right there, in the dark hallways of the internet we accustom.

Thus endteth perhaps the oddest post I've ever laid out there.

With love.
Tiff.

Friday, January 03, 2014

Poem for the ready

In a dark garden
he wanders
Meeting and alone

Paths intersect
twine and release
the boundaries
unseen, unbidden

categories left

strewn about
like broken
doll heads

mashed among the
reefs of
childhood waste

stepped upon
while striding
lapsing
staggering forward

to a new place

bitingly  cold
terribly new
frighteningly odd
verdantly you

this time

it is to happen

get ready.




Monday, December 30, 2013

Ha ha HA to all of you

This year I went on a very creepy scavenger hunt.

For addresses.

not at all creepy
It was inn (heh) order to spread Christmas cheer, mind you, but it was sort of creepy nonetheless.  Because, really, when a person can go on the internet with some bare essentials of a person's where-abouts (now hyphenated for your convenience) and come up with their street addy (Google's street view is helpful), it goes from the 'friendly White Pages scopeout' to 'possibly oddminded and should be evaluated' kind of scavenger hunt.

I hope none of you who received a holiday greeting from me mind being stalked.  I did it with the best of intentions. :}

Those of you who did NOT get a greeting, please leave your name and address below and I'll, uh, get back to you.

Sheesh - I'm going to need a bigger pit...and another case of lotion.

---

Pit-digging aside, we had a lovely holiday.  And you?

---

I have this week of from work (come visit me, you know where we live).  It is filled with such festivities as 'do laundry,' 'find all relevant tax information,' 'get car fixed,' and the Big One 'have HVAC serviced.'  SO JOLLY, and relaxing.

But no beans for us.

Southern traditions + one Tiny House and 4 people in it?  NO.

NO BEANS.

Hopping John, you can hop right over our house.  I shall not be shut in with 2 teenagers in a 1000-SF house the day after beans.  It will not be done!!

---

So, if you have a NYE traditional food item that is beanless and you'd like to share and that I can fix tomorrow, do share.

Remember, no beans.

That's important.

Thanks.

Tiff out.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

It's important to let you know

So, There's this list on Gawker (I know, it's a silly place, but often amusing) that 'ranks' (heh) 22 of the worst writers of 2013.

I am pleased to report that I am not on that list.  I think.  I didn't actually read it all the way through.  It was kind of boring.

Want to know why it was so boring?  It's full of 'writers' I've never heard of.  EVER.  And they get paid, presumably, for being writers.  THAT I'VE NEVER HEARD OF.  Or seek out.  Or, obviously, care about.

This either means that 1) I've chosen my reading material well by avoiding the bad writers of the world (or, maybe just the United States), or 2) I'm woefully unread and do need to extend my daily ration of ingo to include some of the sites or publications mentioned in the Gawker article.

However, having read samples of some of their work via clickthroughs, I'm thinking that option #1 is the more likely scenario.  Or maybe it's simply that  I don't really  care about people's opinions.  That what they care about and pontificate on is dead to me in a way that is so unimportant that it doesn't raise even the smallest of pangs that I don't know about it.  Like I'm some kind of 'care-less' monster with a black heart and chitnous shell off of which bounce op-ed pieces, advice columns, political diatribes, tech blargh, and nearly everything that's not actual news or humor.

And you know what?  I'm OK with that.  I have my own opinions, and having someone who is not me try to convince me with the powers of their internetly godliness or otherwise supposed 'influence' is a waste of everybody's time.  It's like when guests on a radio talk show start arguing: I just switch to the classical music station.  Easy peasy, and better for the blood pressure, for certain.

But am I alone in this?  Are there opinion sponges out there who are familiar with all the names on the Gawker list?  Do you make the rounds of popular websites and gobble up the tender goodness of someone else's take on things?  Or are you like me, a happy hermit of the mindset to which you have become accustomed?

---

I think I'm getting , or already have, a cold.  I have sneezed a dozen times in the last half an hour, and my nose is all stopped up.

Just in time to travel to a family wedding tomorrow, and spend time with a lot of family.

Boo, yah.

---

I hope everyone who chooses to celebrate Christmas had a good one yesterday.  Right now my feet are encased in the fluffy goodness of a pair of actual UGG slippers, and it is wonderful.

It seems like each year we pare down the preparation and celebration, but this year was quite possibly the most sparing yet.  We didn't even decorate the tree until Christmas Eve, and got take-out Chinese food for dinner.  It was rather delightful, watching "The Princess Bride" while scooping luscious noms someone else made into my face while reclined in a comfy chair wearing comfy new slippers. It should be a new tradition, all that comfy.

And, because it's highly likely I won't write again soon, I send my very best wishes for a Happy New Year to all 5 of you who will read this.  My best wishes for prosperity, good health, and peace in 2014.

Tiff out.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

A guessing game

Today, I had an experience that stretched my ability to not stereotype, paint with a broad brush, make assumptions, etc.  It was a challenge, but I worked on my understanding and forgiveness skills until I saw the thing that clinched my belief in my powers of insight.  Let me set the stage:

I was having a bit of a shop in the spice aisle, picking up whole cloves and cinnamon sticks for some spices cider I was planning to take to a small gathering later in the day.  Being mindful of the other shoppers, I maneuvered my cart over to the side and began to reach for the tubs of splendor I needed.  Just then, a woman approached from the other direction, parked her cart right in front of where I was reaching, began picking her own things out and didn't acknowledge me even for a tiny second because she was busy gossiping on her phone about some dude who caught caught with his pants down.  Full voice, names and all, right there in the store.

It was pretty clear almost immediately from her demeanor and accent that she Wasn't From Around Here, but then again a lot of people aren't, and one cannot go around making assumptions about other people's areas of origin based purely on one incident and the recognition of their vocal affectations.  So I didn't.  Simply chalked her rudeness up to assuming she was in a rush or so caught up in licking all the luscious details of scandal from the skeleton of someone else's pride that she was lost in her own world (or, more correctly, in someone else's, poor chap).

Then, I espied her in the checkout line, still on her phone and still audible from 50 feet away.  Not once did she look at the cashier or return their greeting.  Not for a minute did she stop talking, not to make the financial transaction, not to answer the Bag Question (paper OK?), Not to say 'no thanks' to the offer of help getting her groceries out (they always ask that at our local food shop, and I like it.  So Southern).  Just blah blah blah yammer yammer, all the way out to her car.

She talked through the process of stowing her goodies in the car, she talked through the process of  shutting the trunk, she talked through the process of walking her buggy to the space in front of her car. She talked through leaving the buggy there when the buggy roundup was an incredible ONE SPACE AWAY.  She talked getting in, starting up, and I imagine driving away thinking herself pretty freaking smart and better than all the rest of us because she was talking about some Very Important Issues, like who can't keep his hands to himself and what color lipstick she thinks would look good on Snooki for the wedding.

Did you catch that part about leaving the cart anyplace other then in the roundup area?  The ultimate in rude, I think you would agree.  Particularly because it was ONE SPACE AWAY and she couldn't be bothered to walk all the way over there to put up that cart, oh no.  She was too busy talking and having bad hair and a grating accent and poor manners to do such a thing.

It was all explained when I noticed her license plate.  Not North Carolina.  I give you three guesses where it was from.

No, I won't, I can't wait that long.  It's too obvious anyhow.

That's right, friends, New Jersey tags were on that beatermobile.  New-Freaking-Jersey.  So fresh off the boat the tags hadn't been changed, which would have at least allowed some mystery as to where this horrorshow came from, because it MIGHT have been New York (downstate), but no.  Clear as a bell. NJ all the way.

I'm guessing somewhere Hoboken-adjacent, but that might be an insult to Hoboken.  Maybe to the whole state.  Pretty sure that mindset is what happens when people aren't allowed to pump their own gas.

Not to be unChristian, but I hope she breaks a nail and gets a scalp burn from the next bottle of Clairol Natural Black #122 she uses, then gets rear-ended by someone else's rogue runaway cart in the grocery store lot on a hot day in August, causing her to drop a bottle of Chianti on her toe.

Not too much to ask, right?

Bah, humbug.

Tiff out.