Write your own punchline

Today's headlines from Yahoo, which is a clear indication that we need more good headline writers.
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For lack of body armor, troops die. Why the delay?
What, in the dying?

Marine Corps committed
And about time too. I told you those dudes were nuts!

Endless probe, secret result
This sounds uncomfortable. With the endless probing usually comes the chafing.....or maybe that's just me.

Cheeky fencer foiled in bid for team
Or: "saucy swashbucker's sussing of a set of swordsmen slides from sure to suspect"

U.S. Women's Skeleton Team Finishes Fifth
Breaking news - Their musculature came in last.

Clinton Strikes Deal for AIDS Drugs
Dude! Hilary's got the good stuff!

S. Korea Widens Stem Cell Probe
Y'all, the probe has to be SMALLER than the cell - maybe that's your problem.

Boston Scientific Retracts Extension
"watch as the giant company extends its pseudopod of avarice, surreptitiously stroking each rival and lulling them into a sense of safety; then gaze in amazement as the extension is retracted into the corporate body with the "secret results" of its "endless probe.""

Frist Weighs Ban on Lobbyist Gifts, Travel
Say, I think it weighs about a pound, what do YOU think, Bill?

Scientists: Donner Family Not Cannibals
At last! Vindication is ours! Pass the tongue.

Singer Keys Expanding Into Movie, TV
Ouch, that's gotta hurt.
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It's tough to write a good headline, I'm sure. But still, don't you think that maybe people write these JUST for the joke?