Friday, May 20, 2011

with just moments to go

So, tomorrow should be interesting what with the end times coming nigh and all.

Therefore, I'd better make this post interesting, as it may, quite possibly, be my last (if all goes well for me, that is. If it doesn't, I'll just keep on keeping on, looting the closets of the stylishly-dressed chubby ladies like myself who will have been enraptured and therefore in no need of their wardrobes. Hey, it'd be a sin to waste all that good stuff, right?).

I've taken lately to scanning through the Wake County mugshot roundup on, checking if I know any of the naughty girls and boys, and taking particular note of those folks who are committing crimes in my neighborhood. Just yesterday, a dude was arrested in YOWF (Ye Olde Wake Forest) or 'fleeing the scene' or somesuch, and I think I now have put 2 and 2 together to explain why there were at least 5 cop cars zooming through our neighborhood yesterday afternoon. Who wants to bet that none of them obeyed the many stop signs that are posted? When in pursuit of a bad guy, the specific particulars of road rules are quickly forgotten, no doubt. It was all very exciting for a moment.

The mugs are good for some amusement as well as being a source of information regarding 'who should I not say hi to in the grocery store.' There are many many variations on how to be human, is what I'm saying, but one thing appears to be semi-constant - felons like diamond stud earrings. Preferably 2. And I'm talking the men here! The females don't seems constrained by the studliness (perhaps coincidence?), but the guys, wow! Oh, and neck tats are popular as well. And nicked eyebrows. What is up with the nicked eyebrows? I am very sheltered, apparently, and need some schooling on those of y'all with a little more street smarts than me. That would be approximately all of you, so pipe up about the eyebrows and earrings!

It is my sincere hope that neither of our boys ever appears in the mug shot round-up. There are tons of young folks represented who are hauled in for pot possession, for instance, and their faces are plastered up there with the be-diamonded strong-armed robbers and surly thieves. Most of the kids with the pot charges look scared out of their minds, and I hope they learn a lesson about how they're choosing to live their lives. It's still a crime to possess dope in NC, kids. While I don't believe 100% that it SHOULD be a crime, nevertheless it is one. ALWAYS have your friends hold your stash! Sheesh! And if the Things are reading, remember that Mommy knows what reefer smells like - you will not convince me that you're carrying around dried tomato leaves or that Kevin from the Bus (or Jane, or whoever) was nice enough to give you some of the oregano from her Mom's garden 'to try out'. Just....don't even try. Mom has been around the block a few dozen times, and hasn't lost so many brain cells as to believe absolutely EVERYTHING you say. Takes one to know one, and babies, I got what it takes to know.

Ten years ago I didn't have to worry about dope fiends in my family. Now, I do. Will the testing never cease?!?

So, Happy Friday, Day-Before-the-Great-Uptake, Day-Before-Thing-2's-Birthday, and the last freaking work day of the week. Enjoy your afternoons and the weekend, what little there will be of it. Let me know if I can root through your wardrobe on Sunday, OK?

Thanks. Tiff out.

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