Did I mention to anyone that I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life infested with scaly weepy boils from poison ivy adorning various body parts?
Because, apparently, I AM. Might as well make it something I’ve decided, and not simply something that happens to me because my immune system gets all hot and bothered when gently stroked with the pliant greenery of poison ivy/oak/sumac/whatnot. Purposeful goals are so much more satisfying to achieve than being there mere random pawn in a game played by nature, don’t you think?
Why, at this very moment there’s a raw thickened patch of semi-healed blisters on my left shin that I MEANT to get, have TENDED TO over the past 2 weeks, and will be SAD TO SEE GO once the healing process does what it must do. I am a work in progress, and it’s been so lovely to see that what was done with INTENT has turned out so beautifully. Of course I meant to have a weepy crusty rash right there during SHORTS SEASON, because what’s the point of doing that during the winter when nobody can see it?
This go-round with the hypersensitivity did have a far better turnout than the last time, in that at the very least it’s not spread to my boobs and attendant sticky-out bits. That right there was overshooting a goal if I do say so myself. Hypersensitive nipple syndrome is NOT something a first-timer should attempt; a fact that I only know from sad experience. Must work UP to that one after a few rounds of practice, otherwise the really GOOD stuff is wasted on an inexperienced system! See? I'm learning!
Yes, spending the remainder of my days sporting geographically recognizeable pink papulae, fighting the itch, and being smeared with superpotent steroid foams sounds just the RIGHT way to spend the late summer of my life.
And I can teach you how, for just $14.99, or a bottle of calamine lotion. You pick.