Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bust a move

Got a call yesterday afternoon from the ex. Seems Thing 2 has busted a toe bone as a result of horsing around on the playground at school. Seems this broken toe bone is going to require 2 to 3 months in a post-op shoe (not a cast), and that ol' Thing 2 is excused from phys ed for that period of thime. Also excused from tae kwon do. Also excused from anything weight-bearing.

Well, there go my plans for using him as my personal pack mule for all those shopping trips I can't afford to take now that he's broken his foot...some sense of responsibility HE'S got, huh?

Also? The doc who examined him gave the ex a peek at the boy's x-rays, and apparently there's a whole shitload of growing left in the boy if growth plates blah de blah are to be believed.

Please note: this is the child who is not yet 12 and is already 5 foot 10 inches tall. He's done plenty of growing already.

I began to wonder just exactly how MUCH growing he has left to do, becuase I am curious like that. So I hove me online and searched out some neat gizmos that purported to tell me just that very thing.

Oh dear. I shouldn't have. Should NOT have.

According to the results of one 'forecast your kid's height'-o-meter, it looks like he'll quit when he gets to about 6'10". Another says 6'8". Potay-to, po-tah-to, says I. I'm pretty sure there's no real difference in height once you get past about 6'5", unless you're going to be a basketball player. Really, once you've reached a ceratin height, all most folks are going to see of you is your chest and is chin, am I right? This is my future then, to be able to identify my baby by the pattern of facial hair on his neck. Cripes - I'd best get a good look at him now before he gets so big we'll have to raise the ceiling in his room (and take down the ceiling fan. and raise the door frame).

As if that wasn't enough to induce a fine bout of hand-wringing, and because I am maybe a glutton for punishment, I took a gander at what Thing 1 is suppose to end up at, height-wise. He's 13.5 years old, is 5'9", and weighs about 115 pounds (I KNOW. Can't feed him enough to fill out his jeans, while Thing 2 can sniff a carrot and add a pound. Life may be lots of things, but fair ain't one of them). This info, combined with my height and his Dad's (5'10" and 6'4" at our tallest) gives out a final read of between 6'6" and 6'7" at full height.

Think about that one. Really. How many people do you know who are that tall? That's fucking TALL, man, but still seems so much more do-able than the magnificent 6'10" or thereabouts that his younger brother is going to, quite possibly, achieve. I could live with 6'7" of son, but that 6'10" is truly astounding.

I'm sort of freaking out here, because the Things are lovely young men and I'm envisioning a lifetime of them feeling awkward about their height. If they're going to end up almost 7 feet tall, then nothing will 'fit' them, not roller coaster seats or airplanes seats or shoes or pants or houses or cars or NOTHING, and I do not want my babies to be FREAKS! They're not even interested in sports, so making money off 'em as pro ball players appears to be totally out of the picture, which sucks royally but what can I do? I can't MAKE them want to play football. NO, these soon-to-be giants among men like CHESS, for God's sake, and the trombone...

OK, deep breath. The docs told my folks that I was going to be 6 feet tall, and they were short of the mark by a cupla-too-tree inches, so maybe these newfangled height predictors will be all wet too. Maybe the Things will stop growing at a respectable 6'5" or so. Maybe we won't have to buy them special beds so the bottom half of their legs don't stick out the bottom.

Y'all, cross your fingers for us, throw a 'stop growing already you hulking mass of adolescent' their way, or at least pray that I find some kind of peace with these predictions. Because honestly? It's about to kill me dead.

Oh, and think kind thoughts for poor Thing 2's busted 5th metatarsal, if you have a spare. He's going to need it to heal up REAL GOOD if he's going to sucessfully carry around his monstrous frame in a few short years.

Then have a wonderful day.

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