Friday, February 01, 2008


Getting closer to the ultimate in EVIL posts, which should occur Tuesday, if my posting schedule holds up.



Wendy's puts ketchup, mayonnaise, AND mustard on their burgers. Anybody else out there think that this is overkill? Certainly them there burgers aren't meant to be eaten while driving. I almost had a "Grandpa" moment just now in an attempt to wolf down a single (no cheese) in Tinkerbell, and I can't have that.

"Grandpa moment"? That's when someone, while eating, doesn't know they've got a big ol' glob of something on their face, and leave it there for the duration of the meal.

My Grandpa was famous for that. Most memorable was the "slimy egg yolk drip on the whiskery chin" one, though the "slightly melted dab of butter on the upper lip" was almost as good. I suspect that Grandpa either didn't have much if any sensation in his peri-oral area, or he just didn't care enough to use a napkin until the entire meal was finished. Either way, it grossed me out.

Gah - the runny egg yolk! Glistening, deep yellow, slowly running between the grizzle on Grandpa's chin as he poked at the yolks with the tip of a piece of toast, smacking contentedly and slurping his coffee.

You can see why I'm pretty dead set against having moments like that. I will NOT be someone's bad memory if I can help it. However, the Wendyburger in the car thing is almost guaranteed to result in either a Grandpa Moment or a blotch of some greasy or vibrantly-colored condiment on the shirt, which I can't have either because I'm doing training today and would really like to look put-together, even if I'm making half the stuff up as I go.

I probably should have just gone to McDonald's. They're pretty skimpy on the condiments and so the risk of accidental spillage is thus reduced, but DAMN I wanted a squre piece of "meat" in a very bad way.

While waiting in line to get said meat (plus fries, and a DIET COKE, because who needs all those calories? ;>), a gentleman in trousers as big around as he was tall came barreling out of his car toward the entrance. I did not realize that very obese people could move so fast. His stomachs (one above and one below the belt) shook and rolled with each step, the gigantic sleeves of his coat billowed in the breeze created by the wavelike action. It truly was poetry in motion.

He must have really wanted beef badly to have run like that. Scaring innocent citizens and all...

He's the reason I didn't eat all the fries. That, and whoever is manning the deep fry at the Wendy's must believe that HOT ENOUGH TO PEEL FLESH FROM BONE is about the right setting for cookery. Even with half the spudpod gone I was still having to blow on 'em to get them cool enough to eat, and that, my friends, is too much effort to go to for deep-fried ANYTHING.

And now that you're all caught up on my lunch, it's time for me to go. More training in 15 minutes and I must ensure that all the ducks are lined up juuuust right.


Have a wonderful Superbowl, one and all. I will be watching, for once, in the hopes that my support will ensure that the Pats have a perfect season. It's not that I like them so VERY much, but a perfect season? That's cool.

XO, my friends! See you Monday.

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