Friday, July 21, 2006


Let's bring the dusty old saw out from the shed and use it once more for old time's sake, shall we?

Time for the Fractured Friday Headlines!


Neanderthal genome project launches

Ook and Ack, having finally graduated from college after 20,000 years, were invited to don the white lab coat of science and get in the rocket of discovery to decipher the code of life.

(Oy! I can do better. Let's see.....)

Castro visit changes tenor of trade summit

Pavarotti quits in disgust, Bocelli signs on.

Schools juggle holidays for other faiths

They got up to 5 (Christmas, Easter, Roshashana, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan) before losing their touch and dropping the whole lot. Buddhists laughed heartily at the misfortune.

Democrats set to shake up primary calendar

Leaving the world to rely on the lunar cycles as the emergancy back-up.

Eli Lilly swings to 2Q profit, RadioShack slides to 2Q loss from profit

Walmart's over there on the teeter-totter not knowing WHAT to do.

Woodpecker halts Ark. irrigation project

And thus was halted the second great flood, thereby saving the world. All hail the mighty woodpecker, offer loud hosanas to its power!

This just in from the "No Shee-yit" department! Study shows benefits of kids' playtime

Tiger pulls to 3-shot British Open lead

But fails, once again, to make the cut for the Egyptian open, because, as we all know, there are no tigers in Africa.

(very very very LAME Monty Python reference. MopeyChick, if you don't get it, I'm taking it down).


Also funny:

The Fish Slapping Dance

If you don't laugh at that, I don't want to know you anymore.


Hyperion said...

There are Tigers in Africa! There's one small island where tigers live that is part of Africa.

I guess you're more "Stiff" than Tiff today, ne?

Chelle said...

Ahhhhhhh, I am whole again. Can you leave the fish slapping dance up for long while? It makes me feel better.

tiff said...

Hyp - so literal! And the stiff thing lost me....

mmm3 - that's a fabulous idea. It'll be up for at least the weekend, and maybe I'll throw a perma-link up for it on the sidebar.

rennratt said...

I am still safe to know...
What a riot!

kenju said...

Who wouldn't laugh at that?!

Love the headline about school holidays, among others.

Beth said...


tiff said...

renn - I thought as much. :>

kenju - I know! Really! Glad to have you around again, BTW.

Beth - thanks!

Grace said...

LUV the fish slapping dance! And of course, John Cleese (I think...) had to have the last guffaw. That's funny stuff right there, I don't care who y'are...