Let's bring the dusty old saw out from the shed and use it once more for old time's sake, shall we?
Time for the Fractured Friday Headlines!
Neanderthal genome project launches
Ook and Ack, having finally graduated from college after 20,000 years, were invited to don the white lab coat of science and get in the rocket of discovery to decipher the code of life.
(Oy! I can do better. Let's see.....)
Castro visit changes tenor of trade summit
Pavarotti quits in disgust, Bocelli signs on.
Schools juggle holidays for other faiths
They got up to 5 (Christmas, Easter, Roshashana, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan) before losing their touch and dropping the whole lot. Buddhists laughed heartily at the misfortune.
Democrats set to shake up primary calendar
Leaving the world to rely on the lunar cycles as the emergancy back-up.
Eli Lilly swings to 2Q profit, RadioShack slides to 2Q loss from profit
Walmart's over there on the teeter-totter not knowing WHAT to do.
Woodpecker halts Ark. irrigation project
And thus was halted the second great flood, thereby saving the world. All hail the mighty woodpecker, offer loud hosanas to its power!
This just in from the "No Shee-yit" department! Study shows benefits of kids' playtime
Tiger pulls to 3-shot British Open lead
But fails, once again, to make the cut for the Egyptian open, because, as we all know, there are no tigers in Africa.
(very very very LAME Monty Python reference. MopeyChick, if you don't get it, I'm taking it down).
The Fish Slapping Dance
If you don't laugh at that, I don't want to know you anymore.