Friday, March 24, 2006

A moving speech and a contest

Never, ever, ever, ever again. No, I won't, and you can't make me. I won't move again.

I simply have too much crap.

Wait, let me rephrase - my FAMILY simply has too much crap. I found this out yesterday, when my family's "too much crap" filled up a 10 x 30 foot storage unit PLUS another 10 x 10 unit with still more STUFF LEFT OVER to move into the rental house so that we can all live "stuffed" inside a house that no longer echoes.

You know what's sad? I've discovered that I quite LIKE echoes. They're friendly, and sound like me, and isn't that a warm and fuzzy happy little thought?

But, now, it's not so much with the echoes - it's hell-OOOO BOXES!

Shall we go meet a few of those who made the cut and actually got INTO the house?? Let's do!

You, over there, what's that on your side? You say you're full of SPICES that we just moved 500 MILES? Terrific! I'm glad you're here, because goodness knows the Harris Teeter does NOT sell cinnamon and coriander........

And who might YOU be? Ah, you're one of the FOUR wardrobe-sized boxes that came along for the ride, thinking that we'd NEED all those winter coats in North Carolina in the summer. What's that you say? You hope there's room for you someplace in the FRONT closet, because you are not "back-closet" material? Fine, I'll put that on the list.

I see a fine specimen over here, hold on a moment as I navigate though this little corrugated aisle-way to get to we go. Ooooh, a treat! Here's a box that says it's full of summer clothes, and apparently it must have a twin or other siblings because it's marked box #1! How many more might there be, I wonder? The mind boggles, really.

Wait, who invited YOU, you box full of canned goods? Or YOU, box that says you're full of pillows? Or YOU, box I know we haven't unpacked in 15 years but still manages to keep getting MOVED....... Couldn't all y'all find someplace ELSE to go so I can invite the echoes back?

No? Fine. Just move over so at least I can sit on the couch, and don't hog the remote.


Oh, good God - I just realized. We live in a rental. We have to move again. And all that crap in the storage unit(s!) will need to be moved, again.

Moment of silence, please, as I digest this incomprehensibly bad news, and possibly have a quiet weep.

(................feel free to sing the "jeopardy" theme song..........)

Right then. Chin up - there's always hope that I'll win the lotto and can hire sherpas or trained monkeys or maybe a mahout and elephant to do the heavy lifting for us.


All right - I know it's Friday and I usually do the news a stern disservice by totally corrupting the intent of the headlines, but I don't have it in me after seeing this picture.

The possibilities for captions are immense, and yet I can't come up with something. Please, do a sistah a favah and make with the witty remarks. BONUS points for keeping politics OUT OF IT, because political humor is cheaply got, and y'all are better than that.


With that, I wish you a lovely weekend. I'm off to find some echoes.


rennratt said...

When you DO move, call me. We have a truck. And a van with removeable seats.

I am at a loss regarding the picture. All I can think of is 'Howdja git so smart? Was it the lectricity en tha kite thang?'

..I really can spell. I was trying to think in accent...AND I am still recovering from a one day trip to Charlotte (7 hr drive round trip, plus 6 hours in an office}...

tiff said...

Renratt - you WILL be called! :> Ha - you don't know what you're in for.

Hee - I like hte picture caption - I was goign along the lines of "Naw, Ben, it's goes like this "shoo bee doo bee doo!"

Anonymous said...

How 'bout:
"How much longer do we have to sing the Jeopardy song for Tiff?"

tiff said...

WN - Good one!!

oldfriend said...

I see them as two-fifths of a mismatched do-wop group. Billy Joel's tune in my head...

"For the longest ti-i-i-i-ime."

"I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things"...

Oh, darn. You said no cheap political shots.

tiff said...

Oldfriend - HA!!!! :>

Now that song is tuck in my head. Thanks for that...

tiff said...

Or, maybe it's "stuck" in my head.

Kim said...

"What was your favorite thing about bein' the President, Ben?"

BTW, I am hereby volunteering my services to help you move...again.

tiff said...


Bein' as how I had to go look up whether or not Ben WAS a president and all....

oldfriend said...

Yo, me too. I love to move people and unpacking kitchens is my specialty. What can I say, I have a hankering to put other people's things in order (if you saw my basement you know the same isn't true for my own goods, however).

See, there it is again. The verword was hecblb. If that was on my license plate it would be 'heck of a blob'.

trinamick said...

I'm debating whether or not to move, but I think that just convinced me to stay where I am. Criminy! I don't need that kind of stress.

tiff said...

trina - you can't possibly have more craop then me, and likely have many nice people to help you move. These are 2 BIG bonus points in your favor! After all, a change is as good as a rest, right?