Friday, March 31, 2006

Damn dogs (again) and other stuff

So. Picture it.

First there was last night, a rather unsettling kind of evening in which one child was uber-bouncy and distracted and all elbows and knees and attitude so that he got sent to bed early, whereupon he reappeared no less than 6 times complaining of various complaints ranging from a sore throat to too much noise to I'm not tired to my legs hurt and getting rebuffed back to bed every time in sniffles and snivels and in which there was a husband who was tired out from moving and stressing and went to bed at 9 only to be awakened at 9:30 when the sniveler fell out of the top bunk and started weeping loudly and the younger child started chanting something about falling out of bed and the dogs felt that it was THEIR particular time on this earth to start yapping about how they wanted a new brand of food and why don't I ever just LISTEN to them, making husband wonder why on earth he ever decided to have a wife and family in the first place is they won't just LET HIM SLEEP dammit and now he's sure his blood pressure is through the roof so he has to test it three times on his little buzzy machine to be sure he's not stroking out while I'm getting the sniveler back to bed and the chanter under the covers and the dogs settled down, to walk out to the family room at 9:45 where the husband announces that, actually, his blood pressure is low for him and that this seemed to be rather an odd night and he thinks he might just go back to bed and I collapse rather gracelessly on the sofa to read something, anything, as long as people stop making me do stuff I don't want to. At 10:30 (or was it 11:30?) I go to bed.

And the dreams commence, in which I'm on an outpost in the middle of the ocean on which is an airbase and rollercoaster, and one of my kids is on the rollar coaster and one is running toward the edge of the outpost toward monstrous waves and the wind is blowing so ferociously that I can't stand up and the hoverplanes that are trying to land are being blown toward the rollercoaster and the boy on the edge loses his footing and nobody can hear me shouting over the roar of the wind...

And I wake up somewhat distressed.....

To the sound of a dog shaking his head to get rid of the itch in his ear that is constantly bothering him and rattling his collar at 10-second intervals so that I, foolishly, think there might be some hope in those brief intervals that he's going to sleep in the bathroom like a good boy, but indeed he's just getting ready for yet another full-body shake, rattle, and roll, which wakes up husband, who mutters about the dog and how nobody is going to get any sleep at all, so I get up (thinking that, really, it must be closer to 6 and I should get up anyhow) to tend to the dog and quiet his ass down, and look at the clock on the stove to see that it's 4:12 a.m. and I should really be asleep, so it's back to the futon with an afghan and an itchy dog, to settle back in until 7:15, when husband walks out to see us there and thanks me for letting him sleep and then goes to make us coffee while I bring some sensation back into my numb right arm that I'd been using as a pillow.

So, yep - feelin' pretty GOOD today!

And you?


The fine people at Yahoo news are cleaning up their act to an alarming degree, and not really giving me anything to WORK with. What the heck is THAT all about? Who can I mock if not the inept headline-writers? Where do I turn to vent my overweening sense of superiority and arch sense of snark?

I mean, look at this:

Summit papers over immigration dispute

I can't make fun of it because it's almost incomprehensible!

Iraq Shi'ite ayatollah wants US envoy sacked

The only amusing thing about THIS headline is the use of the word "sacked," and because I'm not up to making double entendres right now I've hit a dead end.

Actor Matt LeBlanc, Wife File for Divorce


There are earthquakes and ferries sinking and people getting killed all over the place, the ice cap is melting and there's not enough ethanol to go around so gas prices are going to go up (please, someone, explain that to me), and bird flu still won't go away, and, what's worse, the headlines are written so well that I "get" them the first time and can't make even the weakest pale and addled little snippet of humor of any of it.

Stupid news.


So, let's do this instead - pick your new naked pet! If you had to take one of the three below, which would it be?




That's all for today! Toodles!


Anonymous said...

Okay. First, stream-of-consciousness writing works for really does. Second, I absotively-posilutely thought of you this morning when looking over the headlines, wondering if even Tiff could make them work. And, finally, I'd most positively pick Pet #1. Pet #2 looks skint (those in the South understand the difference -- kinda like the difference between 'naked' and 'nekkid'), and Pet #3 would terrify me in both my waking and sleeping hours.

In other news, I dreamed of the Pope.

tiff said...

WN - I talk like I write, or is it the other way around? Thanks for saying SOMETHING works here at casa Teef.

Oy - the headlines. Pathetic.

The old Pope or the new one?

Anonymous said...

The new one. Just standing there. Glowing,if you really must know...

rennratt said...

Oh, dear, dear lord. Freakish options, all. Just for kicks, I am going with pet number 2. I think it would fit nicely into our current menagerie.

And yep, you DO write like you talk. I could feel the tension AND exhaustion throughout the post.

When you find yourself rubbing your arm as you read "...while I bring some sensation back into my numb right arm..." THAT is good writing!

tiff said...

WN - I think you've got a great idea for a nightlight!

Ren - when's the next RTP-thon

rennratt said...

How does Friday April 7th sound? How about Carmen's or the Chop House?

This one's on me!

tiff said...

Sounds great!!!