Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I have my rapper name

So sometimes I comment on blogs.

You remember blogs, don't you?  Charming things, really, and some were actually good.

Others were wicked, and I liked those best.

But enough about me.

I commented ON A BLOG today (OMG, so 2006!), and it was one of those with the coolio 'type these two words to get permission from the blog overlords to allow what passes for your wit and/or wisdom to be scattered about the vast ether like dust off a cat's back who has just gotten very dusty indeed' blogs, and my 2 words were so cool I need to start to develop a sense of rhythm and rhyme so I can bust a move and sling some sweet rap to my homies and home-etts.  That name is:

2 dBlergh.

That is my rapper name!

2 dBlergh.

I'mma go buy some oversized NFL shirts and a grill right now.  This thing can't lose!

---

Here on the blog and very oftentimes in written communications I start whole thoughts with "so."

"So, the thing is, what you sent me yesterday as your 'deliverable' could pass for a piece of crap only if you Scotchguarded it after washing off the bits of sorrow and inadequacy hanging from it."

"So, I was kind of late with this and it's not my fault the cafeteria lady couldn't open the drawer when I asked for money back from my debit exchange for cash off my 2 dollah salad so I could pay my 'contact' for a finished document while I played Candy Crush in a meeting room at work while pretending to get stuff done."

"So sometimes I comment on blogs."

"So, that thing you do?  Keep on doing it."

Like that.

And thus, (oh NO! Starting a sentence with a conjunction!) it might shock you that I am the biggest hate-nerd in the world when I HEAR people saying things like this even when, in my writing, it seems totally OK.

Especially when guests of shows on the radio (Hi, Diane Rehm!  Love you!) do it for each and every time they're asked to expound on a subject.  And (oh!) especially especially when those persons are physicians and are SUPPOSED to be be talking knowledgeably about subjects of import such as rabies/the omnosphere/baldness/drone strikes/old moms/pie baking/relevant flu-related items/the Big Boing/nematodes/crap we left on the Moon/sea monsters/cancer.

In that order.

It's like what they mean to say is: "Diane, the transport of intracellular vescicles to relevant subportions of the cell occurs along microtubules by the kinesin molecule, which uses the intake and outflow of ATP and ADP to regulate structure such that adherence and release from the microtubule is possible through a rapid reconfiguration of electron attactiveness and side chain structuring, the result of which we think looks a lot like a walking behavior.  Ye gods science is amazing!"

But when they start out with "so"?  It sounds like this:  "So, there are little walking things IN YOUR BODY that drag around balloons of stuff by marching around on these tracks and they're like in your cells and OMG YOU HAVE A SKELETON IN YOU RIGHT NOW."

So, totes annoying, right?  AMIRITE?  LOL.

JK.

Except about the kinesin thing.  I'm in a little love with that li' marching dude.  (and it's in me right now!)

Tiff out.

7 comments:

Shiny Rod said...

2 dblergh? Cool Mama T would wiek maybe...

kenju said...

I like 2dblergh too. It sounds like something you might say after barfing.

LL said...

"I'm in a little love with that li' marching dude. (and it's in me right now!)"

Does Biff know?

asbuick twentyone doesn't have the same ring to it...

Biff Spiffy said...

My skeleton is itchy.

It's like being aware of my tongue, thanks for that.

the only daughter said...

I came. I read. I commented.

Happily. :-)

toolprincess said...

So, like that was a totally bitchin' blog.

tiff said...

OMG y'all - didn't realize THIS blog had the coolie 2-word thing. I'm so IN THIS GAME!!