Thursday, November 12, 2009

Nauseating commonalities reported from exotic locations

Imagine, if you will, what it would smell like if you walked through a steamcloud emanating from a bubbling pot of old sneakers and rotten wood.

Then imagine that this is the smell of someone’s lunch in the cube farm.

Oh yes they did.



Right here’s the spot where I wrote something that bored even me. Holy shit, you KNOW it’s bad when even the author can’t get excited by what they're writing.

Is that what hookers feel like? What they do for a living is supposed to be thrilling, exciting, adventurous, even creative, and yet they do it so much it becomes as common as tap water. How do they work up any enthusiasm at all?


The new girl in the cube farm….just….wow.

She looks a little like Gollum, but with lots of hair. She sounds like Linus Van Pelt, only with a gravellier stuffy-headed voice. She talks almost ALL the time, and, here’s the kicker, she cusses right out loud. At work!

Also, she takes personal calls in the cube, discusses any and all subjects RIGHT THERE, sniffles constantly, GROANS as she works, and crunches chips at 2:30 every afternoon.

Is it just me, or are those behaviors FRIGGING ANNOYING?


You know you might listen to a little too much NPR when the family 12-YO can mimic the correspondent’s signoff lines stone-cold perfect.

<-----This one’s his favorite. Can’t say as I blame the lad.


OK - this is grinding along to a shuddering halt under the pressure of lack of inspiration, talent, or interesting things to talk about (except of course the Sea Monkey and Unicorn Farm opening), so I’ll sign off for now. Must go gather the undercoat from Snurfle the Party Dragon so I can start those Christmas gifts!

Y'all have a great day.

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