Thursday, February 22, 2007

Right on the money

So, anyhow, the monkey says to the bartender "You've gotta SEE the banana to know what I mean!"



Hi! Sorry you had to come in on the end of that joke. It was pretty good, but I'm not going to tell you the beginning because you've already HEARD the punchline, and it wouldn't be all that funny anymore, now would it?

My thoughts exactly.

Let me tell you another one then.

Two college girls got bored one day, so they decided to go to the zoo and wander around. They visited the birds and elephants and giraffes and other exotic animals, and wound up in front of the gorilla enclosure.

One of the girls noticed that the silverback was watching them very carefully. She told her friend that she was going to try to tease that gorilla to get him excited. So, she started wiggling around a little, and the silverback watched. She wiggled some more, and slid her shirt off her shoulders, and the silverback watched with more interest. She shook her butt at the gorilla, and at that he leapt up, grabbed her, pulled her through the bars of the enclosure, and had his way with her.

Several days later, her friend came to see her in the hospital.
"Oh, Suzy, I was so worried about you, getting pulled in there with that big mean old gorilla. Did he hurt you?"

"Did he HURT me? Of course he did. That son of a gun hasn't called, he hasn't sent flowers, nothing!!"


Careful not to split your sides at that one. That could be messy AND painful!

Heh - I've got a talking dog joke too, if you clamor appropriately for more.


Dear AC does a guest post at Spiffytown today. Yay!!


My quest for a proper accent for my kids brought some great comments yesterday. Someone suggested I play Shelby Foote tapes for them while they sleep, as a subliminal lesson in all that is hawt southern man-isms. This is a great idea.

Renn suggested that I allow our children to hang out with her daughter for a mere HOUR, and all would be set straight in the accent department. This is a temptation, of course, because not only would it generate an accent in almost no time flat, it would allow me to view the mysterious Nooze fo realz. Almost too good an offer to turn down, and so I shan't.

Wordnerd offered phonic lessons of a sort. I think if she can spell out typical southern phrases for my boys to repeat over and over again, we would get a great head start.

However, someone (Rick) mentioned that after listening to me talk on and on about a fancy house (that's not just one house but rather photos of several that my SU is using as a promo for his services), he (Rick) thought that my (tiny) southern accent was layered onto something midwestern (or, (shudder) Wisconsonian). (end of rampant parenthetical phrases)

Um, no.

Not midwestern. Let me run down the chronology of my life so that y'all can see at what point the a-nasal-ism of the north may have eeked its way into my language.
  • Born on Long Island to parents who were raised in NYC (Queens). Lived there for 5 years.
  • Moved to the Binghampton NY area. Lived there for 7 years
  • Moved to the Northern Virginia area. Lived there for 6+ years (some college vacations thrown in).
  • Moved to the Shenandoah Valley. Lived there for 8 years, including 3 as a "townie." (Side note: if someone finds me a job there, I would SO move back.)
  • Moved to Charlottesville VA for 6 months.
  • Moved to Tampa for 18 months
  • Moved to CT. Stayed 15 years.
  • Moved to NC. So far it's been almost 2 years.
That should all wind up to be some 44 years of living, during which time I've pretty much covered the east coast. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a real gmish of accent-age in my speaking. Mostly though, I favor some blend of Valley and Triangle, my own special swoop-speak that comes out as if I'd been born with it.

Unless I'm mad - then it's Brooklyn all the way. I don't know why this is, and perhaps it's best not to ponder it too deeply.

So, a question - if you're not from ONE particular place, which place have you adopted as your accent of choice, and why?

I'm hoping, once again, that this particular MO isn't my own little affliction.

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