Friday, September 22, 2006

Let's hit the mailbag, gumbo!

The e-mails have been pouring in as of late, the torrent is causing me to wonder from whence this now popularity has arisen. However, I am not one to look fortune in the eye and tell it to piss off, and so I welcome all the missives launched in my general direction.

Hereunder, find my responses to some very nice e-mail I've received this week, from many mysterious people and in unusual languages. I'm an international celebrity, or so it would appear!


From: "’†‘º ˜aŠó"

To: me, obviously

E*š*EE*™*EE*š*EE*™*EE*š*EE*™*EE*š*EE*™ @@@@@@@@@@@@‚¨„«ì„«—l„«Œä„«—p„«’B„«I„«I„«@ @@@@@@@@@@@@„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®@@@ @@@@@@@@@‚·„«‚ׄ«‚Ä„«‚ª„«Š®„«‘S„«‰i„«‹v„«–³„«—¿„«ô„«@@ @@@@@@@@@@„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®„ª„®@@

Dear dun896,

I am SO glad you asked me this question. Frankly, it's not every day that people have the courage to bring up their intimate issues, especially when they involve sheep and party hats, so kudos to you for being the brave one! My suggestion would be to find a girl in a shearling coat at an ice skating party and make friends. She'll have the fuzzy feel and cold feet you crave, and maybe the whole party hat thing can happen on the third date.

Good luck with that!


To: me, again!
Re: my darling

If you are telling me the truth, then you have a man at with the soft eyes. He broke down again, shaking with was a strong indication of the value the Corps put on.

Dear charrison,

My dear, you have touched my heart. Not only have you taken the time to write me a line or two of poetry (which I will try to decipher later, so deep is it), but you also provided me with a nice table of discount erectile dysfunction medications you're offering. How thoughtful, and thought-provoking (rowr, you rascal!).


From: "L“c “úØ"
To: (what? NOT me? How very odd indeed)

Dear quadrange866,

Oops! There was no message! Whatever can this mean? Also, I was not on your distribution list. Did you BCC me to somehow shield mbryantsr from the knowledge that you know me? What was it you wanted me to know? What terrible fate has befallen you that you could not include a message? If you can read this, please know I'm anxious to know what's going on with you, and when I will hear from you again.


I'm loath to think of how many others I have unceremoniously dumped from the bulk folder straight into the trash, without fully appreciating the sentiments or mysteries contained within. I hope that by providing answers to some of the most common e-mails, I've helped to answer most of them. Once I figure out the crazy moon language most of them are written in, I'm sure I can be of more help to those who are pressing me for answers.


Check out "International Day" today, and BE the Hobbit, y'all. You now have an excuse. Also, you have a chance to come up with a cool Hobbit name! Sweet Friday Hobbity action!


Monday's post is slated to contain another short fiction thang cowritten with the future ruler of the world, Hyperion. He's on a short break right now, but plans to be back in action soon, once he figures out how to get river midget stink out of his couch.


And, just in case you were wondering, it's very very nice down here in the old North State, yo. Woke up to temps in the mid-50's, supposed to be 75 this afternoon, and as sunny as a fresh egg yolk. As I just told my buddy Utenzi, it's a darn good day for hiking. Or fishing. Or hanging out in the backyard listening to classic rock and reading a comic book. Or taking a nap.

You know, ANYTHING but working.

Have a super-dee-duper weekend folks.

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