Friday, June 09, 2006

A mildly amusing thing or 2.

Oh my heavenly days, y'all, it's FRIDAY again.
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Again with the end of the week thing going on, and the expectation that the good folks at Yahoo will provide goofy-ass headlines to mock and distort. Oh, the anticipation as I hungrily scoured the words on the page this morning, my snarkinator set to "stun," which is what I was fully prepared to do to y'all with my dry wit. Stun. Get it?
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Moving on, then.
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Because I had the groove going and the wit sharpened to a finely honed edge, only one thing could happen: the people at Yahoo decided today was the day to write headlines that, if not utterly un-malleable, were almost dead repeats for headlines written not too very long ago, and I do NOT like to repeat myself, even with humor. Oh sure, I can tell the gorilla joke a thousand times or recite a dirty limerick to all who will listen, but making y'all read something that supposed to be funny only to have you think "gosh, you know, I think I've seen this someplace BEFORE, right here on this blog" is kind of sad, so I won't go there so as to spare you the sadness and whatnot.
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HOWEVER,
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Where words fail, pictures do not. Please feel free to praise a baby deity of your own choosing.....
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Therefore, let us progress onward to the all-visual Friday news recap, HEEEERE on N.A.Y:
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Michael Jackson is seen here after his latest surgery being visited by French President Jacques Chirac and a team of plastic surgeons.

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George Germain, of the Quel Fromage Home for the Terminally Stooped, takes a walk yesterday with a bubble-wrapped Micheal Jackson after his release from the hospital. Mr Germain has been hired to attend Mr. Jackson while he gets his color back.

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Gladys and Pearl can hardly believe that their neighbors are such big chickens that they put up metal bars over their coop-gate instead of the usual wire. "I have a hard time with such MISTRUST," said Gladys (on right). Pearl commented that the snub of their safe neighborhood would make her jaw drop, if she had one.

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Newest beauty concern in India - dishpan head.

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OK, now I'm well and truly PO'ed, because I had MORE pictures but Blogger (my recent nemesis) is a LIAR, and when it says it's uploaded my pictures it HASN'T, which ticks me off and makes me say bad words because oh! the cleverness cannot come out and I am left here with a big ol bulging sack of snark almost ready to explode with it's lush juicy ripeness, and it's making me so hot under the collar because I can't get it out.....

So I leave you with this wonderful headline instead, sent in by the ravishingly gorgeous RennRatt, who is always thinking of her fellow bloggers and feeds them lines like a cokedealer in a disco, baby:

Mets Select D&E’s Stoner In 16th Round

Dude, that is so radical.

Renn says to read the whole thing - big fun in WV!

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Wait! Oh please wait, for the love of your baby deity! You must READ this, because it's really really important and it made the news and therefore it has relevance to you and your daily life:

KISS Rocks On With New Fragrance and Coffeehouse

from which I quote:

"While the KISS scents do not contain actual band member sweat, they do contain a heady blend of black cumin, white pepper, dark rum, cypress, moss and honeyed amber blend (pour homme) and crushed red peppercorns, wet fig leaves, wild red poppy, musky bare skin accord, shiny patent leather and vintage mahogany (pour femme). And both the men's and women's scents and ancillary products - Party Shower Gel, Lovin' Body Lotion, Rockin' Bath Splash - also contain pheromones, which are said to increase libido and up one's sexual attraction factor."

Wet fig leaves? Moss? Honeyed amber blend? Musky bare skin "accord"? Dark rum? Pheremones?

Holy jumping jeebus, y'all, they're describing a wild night I had in the back of an old boyfriend's car after hiking all afternoon while drinking a sixer of Killians and Captain Morgan's shots. That's EXACTLY what it smelled like when we were done.

You know what? I don't even want to KNOW what's in the coffee.

11 comments:

Miss Cow is a Cow said...

HAHAHAHAHA You seem as twisted as I am. I love it.

Here via Michele

ribbiticus said...

lol! you kill me! trust me, i will be back! ;)

tiff said...

sarah - oh, your poor, poor thing

RBTCS - woo-hoo!

Now I'm gonnajump over to y'all's sites to check 'em out.

Chelle said...

You slay me!!!

Kiss scents. We knew they smelled but really.....

Oh my god.

With stories like that you don't need Yahoo headline writers.

rennratt said...

I love me some coffee - but Kiss coffee? That just sets off my gag reflex.

My favorite part of the Stoner article was paragraph 2. It began as follows:

" A tired Stoner..."

Heh heh heh.

I INTERNED at that newspaper!

mr. schprock said...

You didn't mention where someone could get a bottle of KISS scent.

If someone wanted to, you know, buy some.

Um, which I don't.

But probably you should mention it all the same.

Beth said...

Very funny, but I am gagging at Kiss coffee. Blech.

Wordnerd said...

Yeah, KISS coffee? Nuh uh.

tiff said...

mmm3 - my thought exactly

renn - I'd love to link to the story, but I think I did I wrong...you crazy Mainers and your stoner-ness are too much!

Mr S - my sources tell me you can get the KISS scent wherever "Love's Baby Soft" is sold.

beth - as well you should. It's one step beyond understandability.

WN - I've heard it's got enough caffeien to make you rock and roll all night!!

rennratt said...

Tiff

Go to:

http://theintermountain.com/include/articles.asp?articleID=4233

That should do it. For the record - this was in West Virginia!

Queenie said...

On the other hand, Yahoo! provides mos fun in its euchre rooms.

Q