Monday, June 05, 2006

Dear Blogger

Oh, God, YES, Blogger, darlin'! Make me WAIT for you, baby! Make me WANT you to work for me, to be there for me, to seem to respond to my pleas for your attention!
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Hi, I’m Tiff, and I’m a blogger whore. Harsh words, for sure, but it feels good to be here among friends and fellow sufferers who, I know, would all back flop for Blogger if it would operate on anything resembling a consistent basis. I mean, it’s like when I want it NOW, Blogger holds back, coyly “loading up” my page until I’m fairly bursting with anticipation, then it stalls and leaves me feeling unsatisfied. When I’m not feeling inspired, Blogger pops right up, sturdy and ready to help me get my blog swerve on, instantaneous in its attention and ready to please.
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Why do I get INVOLVED in these complicated relationships? Why can’t I just be with something steady and reliable and nice? Why do I go for the dangerous ones, the ones I can’t rely on to always be there, the ones who think they can tease me and mistreat me and make me want MORE of them because just a little bit of them is better than a whole LOTTA anything that stable and reliable?
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Why, oh why?
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Because, and it hurts me to say this, I’m as frugal as Scrooge, and won’t pay for hosting, that’s why. Blogger is my cheap date, my blingy thing I keep on the side, my exciting addiction, and when Blogger wants me to use it then it’s better than almost anything else in the whole world.
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You can’t get THAT with ol’ reliable.
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But still, it would be nice if Blogger would consider MY needs once in a while, and let me use it when I’M ready, not when it says it’s got nothing better to do.
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Blogger's blatant ignoring of my need to use it today, along with not being able to use my computer until approximately “oh-crap-I’ll-just-go-HOME-and-take-a-sick-day-because-once-it’s-up-and-running-I-won’t-FEEL-like-working” o-clock today has boded little but ill for this Monday, Monday.
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Plus there’s the whole “gotta leave early for a school conference” thing, which takes momentum from the afternoon and makes it fall flat on its face, like some kid who doesn’t see the crack in the sidewalk until it’s too late to skate around it. There’s no real reason to start something you know you can’t finish with THAT kind of ending waiting for you, right?
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I know, it’s amazing I ever get anything done at all with that kind of approach to life. This is why my kitchen countertops are always clean and the floor is always swept, because these are things that can be FINISHED once started. The same cannot be said of doing laundry or paying the bills, because those are 2 things that just keep on comin’ atcha, and so I avoid those things in favor of the instant-feedback loop of the smaller, more visibly “done” chores. Plus, a clean kitchen makes up for dusty furniture.
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I also enjoy weeding gardens. Weird, huh?
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I’m not sure where this post is going. Straight to the dogs, in all likelihood. At least it will seem that way if it ever ends.
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Which it might not.
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I might just keep adding nonsense to the end until you get very bored and click on a link to somebody else’s blog (that’s OK, they’re all better than me so it’s cool) or something, and forget that you didn’t really finish this post at all.
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This post resembles laundry, ‘tis neverending.
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OK, I’ll cut it out now, and try to find a groove into which I can insert myself in order to face the work that should have been started this morning but wasn’t, for reasons I’ve already mentioned and so won’t again here. But go ahead and re-read it if you want to, because that will make this post seem all that much LONGER, and it might get better the second time around.
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Like lasagna, or potato salad, or love.

8 comments:

Wordnerd said...

I like the whole stream-of-consciousness thing you've got going here. It really works for me.

Oh, and Blogger was very, very mean to me today. Very mean indeed.

Bastards.

rennratt said...

I read every word, and it made complete sense.

You write just like you talk!

I am standing blogger up tonight. I have something written and everything. Just don't feel like taking it all on tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

tiff said...

WN - sometimes the words do just pour out, particularly if I don't have anything important to say. :>

Renn - Oh dear God, I do? How do you stand it? I'm looking forward to your next blog installment!

trinamick said...

I had the same problem with Blogger yesterday. Seems he's letting us all down.

tiff said...

trina - at least it is an equal opportunity snubber. Is that a good thing?

Shannon said...

I can totally follow this post - is that scary? Michele sent me! Congrats on being the site of the day.

tiff said...

shannon - not at all, it merely means you are that much more highly evolved than the average bear. :>

shpprgrl said...

Oh the irony of this post. I came here earlier today from Michele's. Blogger was having personal problems and I couldn't post a comment. I was determined to beat that MONSTER, so I'm back. You have a great blog here, and wanted to be sure to say so. Here again from Michele's, because Blogger is sometimes very irritable.