Monday, February 25, 2013

Nose is back in working order

I opted to work from home today; it's something I do as often as possible because there's no commute involved, I don't have to listen to people doing things like eating or gossiping, and we have way better snacks at the Tiny House than in the corporate vending machines.  Oh, and I can hang out in my PJs as long as I want, which is a fabulous productivity booster.

Sometimes, though, working at home has its disadvantages.  As in this tale I'm about to tell you....

I was at home all morning doing my thing, and decided to take a break at lunch to go out and run a few errands.  Again - advantage of working at home.  Happy and feeling good about being productive in such a flexible manner, life was going pretty darned well.  Until I opened the front door. Holy crap!  What the funk happened to the air in our house?  It was so malodorous as to be nearly visible.  Stink waves were everywhere!  It was as though something had up and died and rotted halfway to jelly in the 40 minutes I'd been gone.  What on earth had happened?

But wait - maybe the noxiousness hadn't just happened while I was out.  Perhaps the house smelled that bad all morning and I just didn't notice it!  Oh dear, that was highly likely, because I'd just come back from being out in the fresh air.  Cleansed the nasal palate, if you will, and on breaking the seal on the noxious contents of the house air that palate was more than just a little sullied, it was BESMIRCHED with stink!  Good Lord - it was entirely possible that the house had been stinky all day and I hadn't noticed!  I'd sat for hours surrounded by putrid air!  *Jibblies*

A quick evaluation and look around the house to ensure there wasn't actually anything that got deaded in my absence resulted in the identification of our garbage can as the bearer of ill tidings.  There was nothing for it - I'd have to go into the pantry, get close to that foul bag of funk, close 'er up, and hightail it out of the house.

I cannot hold my breath as long as I used to be able to, more's the pity, so I had to wrestle the garbage bag out of the can while taking tiny little breathlets of air through my nose.  (It probably seems counterintuitive to breathe through my nose when the smell was so bad, but if you've seen Shrek you'll know that bad smells in you mouth are worse than having them just in your nose.  You must agree, surely.)  The issue with breathlets though is that they under-oxygenate the system and at some point (unless you've practiced) the autonomic system kicks in and your body is going to suck in a big ol' lungful of whatever air is available, which in this case was some of the worst I've ever breathed, and I've been to those sulfur pools in Yellowstone!  You know how it smells when you're hiking in the woods on a warm day and you catch a hint of dead thing?  Sort of moist and gray and probably undulating with fly babies?  That's almost what the Tiny House smelled like.   Pure awful, is what I'm saying.

Anyhow, reeking bag in hand I quick-trotted it out to the outside can, glad that it's not summer and hot with the baking sun cooking that trash in the giant barrel not but a few feet from the kitchen window.  That shizz gets really bad, really fast, and I wasn't able to handle much more of the olfactory assault.

The worst part of this stinky affair is that Thing 1 and his buddies were home for lunch, which was prior to the time I ran those errands, and I've no doubt the house smelled just as bad when they walked through the door as when I did.  But, they're teenagers and maybe not so notice-y about smelly oddities as I am?  Let's hope so.  Because it was BAD.

Now, however, I'm happy to report that things are being righted through the use of a pot of water scented with cinnamon and cloves that is bubbling on the stove.  The house once again smells like someone loves it, instead of smelling like an abbatoir at the end of a 12-hour shift.  Thank goodness for happy endings!

You ever experience something like that?  You come home from being out and about and the house just doesn't smell right?  What the usual culprit where you live?  Pets?  Kids?  That chicken wrapper you used 5 days ago and chucked in the trash can?  Do tell us about it; you can use a pseudonym if needed.  Just tell me I'm not the only one...

Thanks for reading!  Tiff out.


kenju said...

Ew. My nose is so stopped up at the moment that I wouldn't know if my house smelled bad. I do try to air the house out every time the temperatures get above 65* and I empty the kitchen garbage every 2 days.

I suspect the kids didn't notice the smell - or didn't for long, anyway.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Maybe the kids were in and angered the smell and then left it to permeate the house for you. A gift if you will.

LL said...

Isn't that how all houses are supposed to smell?

the only daughter said...

Garbage, yep. Litter box, yep. Some forgotten (meant to be leftovers) yep. And every once in a while the dog drags in something on her feet. Yep.