Monday, April 18, 2011

I raised my literal hand too fast after being pushed over the edge

Imagine, if you will, a company sponsored’ fun function.’ If you’ve had many a year of life in the corporate world, you will recognize the dread that ‘fun functions’ can strike in the hearts of hermits like me. It begins with immediate avoidance behavior, plans to schedule multiple doctor’s visits for the day in question, the possible brewing of something terribly infectious for the date on which your colleagues will be glorifying in free hotdogs and silly games, or perhaps a minor car accident to incapacitate you with a touch of whiplash. If you are me, you do all these things within a few moments of reading any announcement of corporate ‘fun functions’ (unless they involve amusement parks, because hey, ROLLER COASTERS!) as fun functions rarely are and usually involve things like 'participation' and 'small talk.'


Well, spring is here and, just like tulips, the inevitable announcement popped up a few days ago - There Shall Bee A Springe Flinge and All Are Invited! What’s more, in addition to Fyne Faire Food There Shall Bee Games, so Forme Y’all Some Teams and Sign Up for Randome Bits of Merriment!

Forsooth! All the MORE reason for me to catch the plague by then! Games AND teams? What ho! A chance for Publick Embarrassment – sign me out and verily so!

But, it’s not to be that easy, for my boss’s boss is apparently of rather the exact opposite mindset and indicated his interest in forming a team for the merry-making, and even came up with a pretty good name for whoever wanted to sign up to play along. “So what, Tiff!” I can hear you saying “Just don’t sign up! Who cares if other people in your group get involved? You can still be the curmudgeon in the corner, the hermit in her hideaway!”

Not so fast there, sparky. You see, there are only 6 people in our group at the moment. That’s right, 6. The team is of 4 people. One person won’t even be here that day, and another instantly volunteered themselves out. With a fair amount of chiding, it turns out at me and my boss, another manager, and the boo’s boss will be on a team.

A team styled on Star Wars. A team that wants to make tee shirts of stars wars characters with our faces on it. To wear while engaging in jollility and acts of skill.

If there was pointed stick jousting? I’d totally sign up, because dang. Kill.Me.Now. You just KNOW there are going to be pictures of the participants, and I’ll be there with my fat ol’ face and neck sweating out Minute to Win It games in a tee shirt bedecked with ‘original’ Star Wars characters, one of whom (you guessed it, freaking Leia) will have my mug photoshopped on, and I’m supposed to look happy about this!


Now y’all should know I love me some star wars, but sadly there was no chance of me getting the Lando Calrissian or Admiral Akbar part. Crap – were there any other women at ALL in Parts IV-VI? Any, that is, with speaking parts and not just draped around Jabba’s fat ass in devoted supplication? Seriously – there are no good promo pictures with Aunt Baroo, and she didn’t do much of note except get blasted to a simmering chunk of char after raising a Dark Lord’s offspring, now did she?

So, Leia. At lea st it’s just on a freaking tee shirt and we don’t actually have to DRESS the part. Me and the Cinnabon hairdo would not make a good team.

I’m not making too much of this, am I? Also, is it OK to get sloshed before a corporate ‘Fun Day’ in order to oh, say, ENJOY it? Because I’m pretty sure I can find someplace with a 2-for-1 margarita special that would serve up delicious helpings of sang-froid to assist the Queste del Fun.

Y’all rock this Monday. Tiff the Grouchy Out.

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