Oh my. It's got me! Someone, help! HAAAALP!! A big bad bug is in my system, making the scratchy thraot and the watery eyes and the drippily nose, and the groany tummy of DEWM, and I am most upset at this turn of events. Bugs = bad, you see, esp when they are nuzzling 'round the foundations of my general good health, eroding it and lowering my overall value to society.
In other words, I despise being sick. Being sick is for people who are not invincible, who are weak and prone to disease, which is not me at all. Why, usually my immune system is a thing of stalwart beauty, a warrior princess! The macrophages, T-cells, B-cells, and (my favorite) the Natrual Killer cells all work in gorgeous harmony to STOMP OUT any chance invaders.
But...not today. I've been overrun with microscopic marauders. Little brats. Little germy nasty brutes. How DARE they vanquish the forces of my phalanxes of antigen presenters? It's nearly unthinkable, and highly disturbing. Why, right now they're in my personal body, breeding, usurping the SOPs of daily life with unholy chantings to "produce more mucus!" and "get out there and scratch that throat! Go on, make the host weep with frustration and pain!" My least favorite battle cry this time, however, is the guttral urging of the microbe generalissimos to "turn off all ability to even want to be nice to people!" a setting that is a natural to me as cow pies in a pasture.
This truly grates my cheese, so in a moment I shall have at them with the Dayquil-generic-equivalent, for I am through trying to attack from the flanks with tsunamis of water and hours of idleness. It's time to swallow hard and accept that I am no match for what's happening with the hikacking my my very own person, and take some dang medicine already.
I might be losing the battle, but I shall NOT lose the war!