Wednesday, June 09, 2010

A review, something gross, and something even MORE gross.

Recently I’ve been re-introduced to Word 2007 as part of a computer switch that's happening where I work.

After a couple of weeks of road-testing the new software, I have an opinion I'd like to share.

And here's my opinion: I do not care for Word 2007.

Not in a box, not with a fox, not on a train, it is a pain. There’s far too much switching around from one tab to another to find something that used to be readily available in drop-down menus, and stuff that USED to be easy to find (hello ‘paste special’!) is now buried in a graveyard of functions and actions that I suppose someone at Microsoft thought were too archaic or twee to make it onto the regular function menus. Not to mention the NAMES of the menus have changes, so there's a little more time trotting around a strange town looking for a familiar face, if you'll pardon the metaphor.

Now, I’m to an age where change is more and more difficult. Perhaps it’s my aging brain, perhaps it’s because when things works fine just REORGANIZING them to seem like something new is at most a huge pain in the ass, or maybe it’s because I’ve lost the capacity to imagine that stuff can be improved upon and so when the new thing comes out I fight it because that old thing did what I wanted it to, thankyewverymuch.

It took me at least 5 minutes to figure out how to get it to stop the ‘spellcheck as you type’ feature, and 5 more minutes to find out how to edit tables (secret – the “table” tab only pops up when you click in a table! To Insert a table you have to use the “insert” menu! How….intuitive!). And let's not even mention the gigantic-ass "Ribbon" that takes up gobs of valuable turf at the top of the screen, because I'm not fully over fuming about it yet and want to enjoy my next 'arrange all documents' session where the ribbon chews up most of the viewing space available (and yes I know you can hide it, but that hiding it goes functionality, so nyeah).

I’m quickly becoming adept at grousing under my breath while working, which is probably not something that’s going to make it to the resume soon but IS keeping me from doing some imaginary throttling of those in charge who thought This Wall All Such A Swell Idea.


Also – f*ck you, belly fat. I hate you and wish you would go away.


But hey, I’m feeling better lung-wise, so there’s that. The final leg of my journey out of sickness and into health took place this morning on my commute. That last gob of lung butter finally hurtled out after a particularly vivacious cough, and is now being digested along with the remains of the salad I have for lunch (see: f*cking belly fat above).

So hey. Hooray, immune system!


What’s the sickest you’ve ever been? For me it has to be the time I was in high school and got, in this order, and within 4 DAYS of each other

1) A cold
2) 2 the flu (add ‘barfing and powershiatting’ to the menu, please God)
3) My period (and God said "if THAT wasn’t bad enough, every time you spew or cough you might shoot a sanitary item out you poor cootch!" To which I did not reply "FANTASTIC! Thanks for the gift God!" but instead might have gurgled up some very nasty words in heaven's general direction when I wasn't coughing, puking, or cramping. I can't remember.)

Even after I had contracted pneumonia a couple of times in quick succession about 8 years ago I don’t think it could compare with the particular misery of those couple of weeks. I distinctly remember, in another heavenward conversation, telling God it was OK to kill me, because I didn’t think I would live through it.

Obviously, I was wrong. He had other plans. Like keeping me alive long enough to tell gross stories and ask YOU to do that same, right down there in the comments.


Tiff out.

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