Thursday, October 22, 2009

Haideeho there!

Remember last week when I was trying to answer that '69 questions' thing and was dong (the original had a lil' whoops! Thanks LL for the correction - - should be 'doing') a dozen a day,then got busy/distracted/bored and didn't finish up? Were you genuinely offended by my lack of focus and follow-through? Were you about to downgrade my performance to 'meets expectations' due to my utter inability to just finish the job already, and maybe do it ahead of schedule to boot?

Well, never fear, for I got a post for you. Numbers 49 through 60 of the list, now with more info-power!


49. What do you buy at the movies? A ticket and a large bucket of curdled baby yak blood. Mmm, crunchy!

50. Do you know how to play poker? Sure – extend your pointer, find a lady, and start a-jabbin’!

51. Do you wear your seat belt? Always.

52. What do you wear to sleep? Nothing. Anything more than ‘skin’ and I start perspiring.

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? What, like putting a whole University there? Nah. One big thing every couple hundred years is enough for us Southerners. We don't need to rush around all willy-nilly making things HAPPEN, for Pete's sake.

54. How many meals do you eat a day? Generally 3. I know, I'm totally leading the pack on this thing! THREE meals - imagine!

55. Is your tongue pierced? Nope. That’s ONE piercing that completely squicks me out. Pretty sure if given the choice between lady-part piercing and the tongue, I’d have to go to the happy place first. Now, if the choice is between nipple and tongue, I'd have to think a bit more....both seem to have the capacity to hurt like a futhamucka.

56. Ever meet anyone you met on myspace? What? I already met them on MySpace, so yes I’ve met them. What a stupid question. Like '"did you see Jenny when you talked to her at the Food Lion?" Why no, I was temporarily struck BLIND during those 5 minutes, dumbass.

57. Do you read myspace bulletins? Um. No. I had a MySpace page for about a millisecond a few years ago, and was an early abandoner of it. Simply didn’t have the time or interest in it. Plus which? I generally dislike other people's taste in music, and hated getting bombarded with it every dang time I'd open a page.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better? You asking me to pick sides? Why can’t the funny people have a serious side (many do, you know) and why can’t the boxy drones of this world make an occasional attempt at what might pass for humor among their bland and 2-dimensional friends? Equal rights, I say! Quit trying to shove me down one path of preference!

59. Ever been to L.A.? Yes, and I enjoyed New Orleans quite at a lot.

60. Did you eat a cookie today? No, but lunch was a bag of pretzels, does that count?


Stick with me dudes, there are only 9 more questions left to answer, and so by tomorrow it will all be over.

I'm sorry. Let me dry your tears of disappointment with my sleeve. They are so tasty.


It's come to my attention that funny things don't happen to me. Other people have funny stuff happen to them or around them all the time, but it appears I'm in a 'funny stuff happening' vacuum. Everything in my world is so normal. I mean, from the 5' wide spider on the front porch to the sinkhole in the backyard that occasionally emits little moans and clouds of rank purple gas, my world is as middle-of-the-road as it gets. Shoot, even the spider seems bored lately, the count of kitten carcasses wrapped neatly in rope-like silk is down dramatically since the warmth of summer has passed. And let's not even GO into how beige it is to realize that everyone else on the block has seen the throatless ghost...for a minute there I thought I'd have something interesting to talk about.

From the talking dogs to the polydactyl neighbors, from the spandangulous shape-shifting houses to the grouchy ol' dragon down the street, there's nothing funny that happens to me.


So hey, at least there are those last 9 questions to look forward to.

Have a grand afternoon. I'm off to paint the inside of my mouth and festoon our mailbox with rusty nails. Fun!

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