Herein, my Chinese Horoscope (Thanks to Tracy Lynn for the prompt to foray into Eastern mysticism as a blog post). Author's thoughts are in italics.
WATER TIGER Horoscope
Feb 5, 1962 to Jan 24, 1963
Tiger people are sympathetic, kind, emotional, and sensitive. At movies, they can cry their eyes out! (Especially if Adam Sandler is in it. Or Kate Hudson. They’re just THAT GOOD)
Despite their kindness, they can be extremely short-tempered. The rage of Tigers is terrible to behold but it also gives them the adrenaline needed for the sublimest of bravery. (I used to think it was foolhardiness, but now? SUBLIME BRAVEY!)
The Tiger is also a deep thinker and can make the most astonishing intellectual connections (look Ma, I can form a thought!), with great mental agility (SQUIRREL!).
On the negative side, they tend to be suspicious and a bit self-centered, OK selfish, and indecisive. Above everything, however, the Tiger stands as a supreme emblem of protection over human life, admirable always. (A lot to live up to, I know, but hey, we Tigers just roll like dat. Who's up for a paw-bump?)
Soup and Oolong Tea are among the keys to good health (well THAT’S good to know. Make mine broccoli cheddar).
Water Tigers do not go gently into the night. Full of intelligence bordering on genius, they imagine a beautiful world and know how to create it.(No comment required. It's all TRUE, esp that there genius part. Squee!)
Never liking to be alone, the gregarious Tigers surround themselves with loyal friends who lend their undying support. With such support, they can't help but prosper.(Sweet, my friends are partly responsible for my success. How awesome. Let me just go tell them of this new facet of our relationship. I'm sure they'll be THRILLED! Hey, internet peeps? This is your warning.)
A mercurial nature sometimes makes them antsy, impatient, and quarrelsome over little things (VINDICATION! I'm not selfish, I'm a water tiger! RAWR!!). They do react very quickly, but also get over any ill feeling just as quickly. They are generally fair, humane, and quite reasonable in their dealings with people. They absolutely excel in the business world (This needs to go on my resume, ASAP).
Love for the Water Tiger is like a restless rogue, flitting about like a butterfly. You see, these Tigers are gypsies, always on the lookout for something better down the road, fickle to the core. Smart potential mates can catch them; however, and once this happens, Water Tigers are capable of experiencing the normal highs and lows of love (well, ain’t that a kick in the pants? Normal...how droll. Way to end on a high note there, Chinese Horoscope people.).
I'd be interested to know what YOU are, if you think what the good folks of the Chinese Horoscope world have to say about you. Google it (because stupid work servers have distilled my posting ability to basically 1988-level typery...), and let me know, won't you?
Then have a lovely day.