Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wishing for death, The Germinator, and whining about making smart choices.

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

No, I’m not going to answer it. It’s from California, and they want me to do something, and I can’t do it because I’m already doing 12 other things. If they talk to me and ask me to do something I’ll say yes (because I'm a PEOPLE PERSON!) but unforunately YES is not a word that should (at work) pass my lips for at least the next 4 months, or until I have the projects on which I’m currently working wrapped up a little more neatly.

Ring Ring.

Ring Ring.

Crap. It’s the same number again. Who is calling me and what do they want?

Hello? Oh, hi! What can I do for you (my standard greeting – I hate it, but people seem to LOVE it (PEOPLE PERSON!), so I keep saying it).

Uh huh. I think so. Let me check. Hmmm – I see summary tables but no listings. Right. No listings.

We need listings, of course we do. I can’t for the life of me remember why we never got them in the first place. The report won’t be complete without it. I know, it’s been like, what, a year since we started working on this? Let me ask the programmer if they can open up the data and output listings.

Yeah, given that information I think a meeting would be a good idea. Right, and remember that we’ve asked already for XXX and YY and ZZZZ in the 2 previous drafts we sent out. When they were first sent out on review we had a hard time identifying people who could review them. It’s tough to put together a review team when nobody who WAS on the project still works here, isn’t it? Hahaha.

OK, let’s talk next week about this, and how to move forward. Thanks for the call!

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Hi, this is Tiff – who’s on the line please?

Great, so we’re all here. Suzy, you want to start by telling us your ideas for how to finalize these documents?

(wah wah wah wah wahhhh)

So, what I hear the team saying is we need to reopen the database, reprogram the subject assignments, output new listings and tables, rewrite the affected sections of the reports, change the investigator listings, reassess the vendor assignments, generate narratives, and then send the reports back on reivew. Is that it?


OK, I totally agree that we need to get this done. Let me look into resourcing here in our group, and once I get the meeting minutes I can forecast out if this can be done in-house or we’ll need to write a vendor contract for the re-write. There’s no doubt that it’s better to write an accurate document, and so I appreciate all of you jumping onto this project to ensure it gets done correctly.

Yep – thanks!




The guy across from me - you remember the Pharter, do you not? - has a vicious phlegmy cough and a water-faucet nose thang going on. It appears that he's able to offend his coworkers with more than one orifice at once, I'm horrified to announce.

Holding my breath probably isn't going to stop me from getting whatever it is that he's expelling all over the cube farm. The fucker.


So, I pretty much quit drinking during the workweek. By this, you should know that I still have a glass or two of wine at night, which for some of you might be like a HUGE amount but for me, with my tolerance and love of the tipple equals about a snifter full of tooth stain (hello, Shiraz!)and not much else.

This means a few things. 1) It is difficult to go to sleep at night, these days. I'm up until midnight. 2) Dreams , if possible, even more vivid than usual. 3) Waking up is easy. When the alarm goes off at 6:30 I feel refreshed. Only one slap of the snooze button is required, and that one slap remains because I LOVE LOUNGING IN BED..

This life change is messing with my reality, people. How much longer will it be before I no longer even WANT to have a cocktail? How much longer will it be before I PREFER to stay sober, to have a functioning liver, to have actual whites of my eyes? If this keeps up my status as 'functioning drunk' will have to be changed to something lame like 'social drinker,' awhich is a twee lil' moniker with no swagger whatsoever.

Me? Twee? Hardly. might be better to be twee for the next 40 years than to be a souse for only the next 10 before I assplode my liver or develop diabetes or start drinking cheap shit just to get a buzz on a Tuesday night. For shame.

I expect Friday night to be interesting. It's when bourbon comes back on the menu (weekends only from this point on). The smart money will be that I'll be drooling in the armchair by 9:30. Care to place a opposing bet?

Until then (or at least until tomorrow, this being only Wednesday), y'all have a wonderful day!

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