Friday, February 06, 2009

What the ever-ripping heck is happening here?

Is ANYONE else out there who uses Blogger and is currently unable to post pictures and links or FORMAT their posts or click on the lil' 'post options' button and have something actually happen?

Is it just me? Has someone unseen evil admin at work effed up my permissions or changed my version of IE (hate!) so that I can't get the bells and whistles anymore?

It's highly irritating. I rely on those super-easy shortcuts, you know? One or two clicks and a picture of a guy with what looks like a tampon on his head would magically appear for your amusement. No, really - a gigantic tampon.

Clarification - a giant USED tampon.

(It's "fashion" - therefore it doesn't need to make sense, and it's on Yahoo News Pictures and it's highly awesome, but you'll have to take my word for it because...I can't paste it in here.)


For how else besides making use of said noisemakers am I to not ONLY post the tampon-head photo but also, and perhaps more importantly, tell you that Buzzardbilly is having a most awesome poetry contest while at the same time linking you to the entry? Why, if push comes to shove I'm going to be forced to actually LEARN how to put in those 'a-href' thingies (yet AGAIN), taking time away from my ongoing efforts to conquer Freecell without resigning game after game...

Sigh. OK. I'll go figure it out. Wait here.

Fine. I found it. Here Only took me 15 minutes to make it work. 15 minutes of lost Freecell time. A tragedy!

Using my newfound (again) knowledge, let me now make a HANDMADE LINK to BB's contest of awesome, which happens to be titled the "You Are A Dick" poetry contest.

In that post you'll see that BB has noted that last year I had a sister contest to hers, and has offered to have me run THIS years sister contest, which I am VERY happy to do and will cleverly call "You Are Bitch" and subsequently invite people to participate in a poetical spleen-venting at whomever you chose that fit the bitch bill.

I shall start it off, in the spirit of Valentime's Day (I think I did it again!), which is of course the spirit of gluttony, greed, gynecentrism, and overbearing pressure on the males of the specices to come up with something grand for women who, by and large, do hardly anything in return which I think is a total ripoff to the guys. Forthwith, my poem, in honor of all those ladies out there who think they're owed something:

Step Off

You won't be gloatin'
Next Saturday
You ain't so smokin'
As you say
Don't be expectin'
Any goods from him
such a

He got the message
You're passin' around
He's recently learned
You're common ground
You braggin' all over
The very small town
got him

Don't be waitin'
For candy and bling
Don't be thinkin'
You deserve a thing
Don't be looking
Anymore for him

Oh it was me
Who told him so
It was me
Who let him know
It was me
You cover's blown
A skank

Makes me happy
To take you down
You think all men
Are just some clowns
Waiting to buy you
perfume and gowns

He's better than that
and I told him so
He's too good good for you
You cheap ho
He'll keep his pride
And his hard earned dough

There you have it - my little poem to all the greedy money-grubbing self-centered shallow ladies out there who think that just because they have a vaginny they're entitled to be showered with gifts and expensive toys and tokens of their lovers' affection without having to give anything in return. Guys, a word - there are vaginas aplenty out there, some are the property of very nice women. If you have yourself a lover who is constantly on and on about shit that simply DOES NOT MATTER, or complains about how you don't 'take care of her' or who doesn't have a nice word to say about other people, or who won't give you an inch of space to be yourself, or demands you buy her stuff before she'll grudge you a conjugal session that's probably full of demands about how you should 'do it' while NOT touching her hair - get rid of her. She is so not worth it. I've seen more men running around after Little Miss Pretty, hoping to get a piece of some fine female's strange, only to find out that once she's given up the goods she expects far more from them than they could ever hope to be able to give. Those kind of life-sucking narcissists are SO VERY NOT WORTH IT.

(Ladies - do not even PRETEND you've not done the same thing with a lover or two. We've all been there, but it just so happens that this contest is about bitches, not dicks. Go to BB's to write about guys you've known who are dicks.)

So, Um. Yes. I'm maybe venting a little. Feel free to do thet same on your blog, and if you post a poem to the bitches in YOUR life, do tell me about it and I'll send you a little graphic (currently under construction) to display on your site that proudly proclaims you were part of the great Bitch Dissathon of '09.

And have a wonderful weekend.

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