Thursday, January 15, 2009

What I like about ‘U’

The other day my good friend and all-around spectacular gal No Celery Please (what an odd name!) had this post up where she named 10 things she liked about things that start with a letter of the alphabet she was assigned by Evil Twin’s Wife (again, what’s with the funny monikers?), and then invited people to play along.

I, like the lemming I am, volunteered to do just that, not KNOWING at the time how the letters would be assigned, and just how difficult my task might be.

NCP, bless her insightful mind, knows I am a woman of small brain, and so she took mercy on me by assigning me the twelfth letter in my comment, which was ‘U’. (No, I don’t get it either, but hey, she’s some kind of mental whiz and so it’s best to NOT tempt that particular goddess, lest she unleashes a cranial smack-down on you in the comments, making you cry with frustration at your inability to craft wit, insight, and scorn in a terse bon mot like she.)

Therefore, by way of compliant compliance, we go now to the list of things I like/love/have an unholy fondness for that should be treated with medication:

1) Uvula – say it many times in a row. It’s fun! I love my uvula so much that a couple of years ago, when there was talk of having my uvula OBLITERATED SURGICALLY to perhaps cure my wee snoring/sleep apnea issue, I said OHNo (that’s short for ‘oh hell no’ BTW)! I couldn’t imagine my lil’ flappy uvula being dissected from its friend-with-benefits the soft palate and winding up as an unidentifiable glob of tissue on some hospital Chux waiting to be incinerated with the rest of the biohazardous materials. My uvula is NOT biohazardous!

2) Unguents – Mmm, magical healing salves and ointments. Sometimes including human fat. Deelish!

3) Ungulates – Mmm, tasty tasty Perissodactyla, Artiodactyla, Tubulidentata, Hyracoidea, Sirenia, and Proboscidea, commonly known members of which are the horse, zebra, donkey, cattle/bison, rhinoceros, camel, hippopotamus, goat, pig, sheep, giraffe, okapi, moose, deer, tapir, antelope, and gazelle. Note: I have sampled only 5 of these, an horrific oversight on my part, I know, but the Food Lion doesn't carry much zebra anymore

4) Umlaut – crazy little double-dotted pronounciation thingie! Who doesn’t love a good umlaut?

5) Ultimatum (plural? Ultimata!) - one of the best things to come out of being a parent is the ability to issue these at frequent and random intervals. I’m partial to Bedtime! and That is IT!

6) Umbel – think Queen Anne’s lace. When I was a kid the field behind our house was thick with these, milkweed, and thistle. I’d pick bouquets of flowers, pull the downy seeds from the milkweeds pods, and admire the purple thistle-tops from afar. Even now I can smell that field on a warm summer day, hear the buzz of insects, catch the vague sound of cars on the nearby 2-lane road, and remember what it was like to have nothing better to do that sit amongst the wildflowers for hours at a time.

7) Uncle – esp my Uncle Werner when I was a kid. He was the really goofy one. I had one uncle I didn’t much care for, but by and large they were all pretty daggone cool. As of last November, they are all gone.

8) Universe – this is a gimme. Something that never ends? Something that was created in an instant and is bigger than imagination? Something that’s held together by invisible dark matter? Something that might have innumerable TWINS beyond the reach of its fringes or contained within it? Please. That shizz is right up my metaphysical alley.

9) Utopia – which, in my case, would be some hippy commune where everyone works to create a craft or foodstuff or service that would be mutually beneficial to the whole group, such that I, as their Mistress, could sit back on my throne of naked underlings and issue ultimata day in and day out.

10) Usquebaugh – look it up. Heh.

AND AS IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH! Here’s another new word that you might actually use someday in idle conversation with the neighbor while you’re having a cup of Earl Gray and lamenting about rose blight:


(NOO-ston, NYOO-)

noun: The aggregate of minute aquatic organisms that inhabit the surface of a body of water.


Y'all have a great day, and if you'd like ME to assign U a LTR for to as ANSWR those 10 KWSTNS, let me know in the CMNTS, MK?


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