Wednesday, November 26, 2008

That, in fact, IS a banana in my pocket.

Sometimes you find out things you'd rather not know.

For example, that a faceless bot (thanks Grant!)has surmised that this here blog is 61% likely to be written by a MAN. Why would that be? What is it about this blog, and by extension, my writing, that is more masculine than feminine? Is it the random cussery? The almost complete lack of gushing about my kids or or cooking or decorating (all of which I love, some more than others, but for some reason choose NOT to write about on a regular basis)?

I'm wondering about their algorithm. Their algorithm is not available on their website. One must contact them to get more information. This leaves me unsatisfied.

So, what to do? Why, take an online quiz about how masculine or feminine I am, of course. Be it known right here and now that this quiz doesn't deserve a link, because it makes you give your name and e-mail address to get the stupid results, and plasters 'special offers' across two screens that one must click through to get the results, which totally crumbles my cheddar.

My results of this annoying quiz? "Ultrafeminine." Something about how I love romantic movies (do NOT) and have the shopping thing down pat (HATE it, is that what they meant?). It's like that quiz did not notice one single thing I told it, down to the fact that I would too make a sandwich before doing a pile of dirty dishes if what I wanted to do in the first place was make a stupid sandwich.

Who would do dishes BEFORE making a sandwich?

I do not believe I an ultrafeminine. I'm not the girl with the beauty-salon hair and nails. I'm not the woman with the fashionable clothes and a personal shopper at Belks. I'm not the chick with the hair-trigger emotions, a tissue at the ready. And I am most CERTAINLY not the delicate flower who thinks that fart jokes are immature or unfunny, because I happen to think that they are. I am taking UMBRAGE, y'all.

Not that there's anything wrong with being ultrafeminine. Please don't infer from the statements above that I am dissing those women (and maybe some men) who take pride in their femininity and glory in it. They should. It's their life, and to do what pleases them and helps them create an identity is fine and dandy. It's simply not MY identity, and that damned quiz machine should be able to TELL that.

Just like the genderizer should be able to tell I'm really a girl.

God, I'm so hard to please.


If y'all are travelling for the holiday, be safe out there. Getting smooshed on the road while on your way to delicious nummies is no way to go.

And have a great day.

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