Monday, August 04, 2008


First, let's have a little playtime, shall we?

Paint like Jackson Pollack.

Get your artsy schwerve on!


This weekend I managed to flash an entire spectator section at a local waterpark, and lose both my credit card and license at another, less local water park.

-The flashing took place at Silver Lake, which is just south of Raleigh and an OK place to go if you don't mind swimming in murky water with a bunch of feisty little kids, their teenaged siblings, their bedazzled and tattooed mamas, and their craggy-toothed daddies. Just don't open your eyes underwater, or the gas that's leaked from the bumper boats will sting like a fomo.

Stingy water aside, in addition to bumper boats and paddle boats and a neat playground for the wee ones, there's a pretty cool water slide at Silver Lake. It's one of those that requires a foam pad for sliding. For the first run I chose to slide on my stomach, face first. The landing was pretty spectacular; I was probably going a good 20 MPH when I hit the green water face first, coming up spluttering and coughing.

And showing my right boob to the entire world.

Stupid tankini top, betraying one of the D sisters like that.

Nobody pointed and laughed though, so I'm guessing it wasn't the worst they'd ever seen. Perhaps their horror prevented them from any outright mockery. Whatever it was, I was grateful for the silence, hoisted my top back up over the wayward boob, and continued to have fun. You can be sure though that I slid on my BACK from that point on.

- The lost credit card and license happened at Emerald Point, down in Greensboro. Now THAT is a waterpark, my friends. We went on just about every daggone ride there was to go on, even the really scary tall ones. Didn't make it to Daredevil Drop, but did do the Twin Twisters a cupla times, with similar feelings each time.

The feeling?


Before yesterday, I've never been on a water slide that is better ridden with my eyes closed, but I can't say that now. Those slides are 350 feet of fully enclosed mayhem, and trying to keep track of where you are by watching the airholes whizzing by is more dizzying than just shutting your eyes and riding it out.


The 'loser' part of the day happened after lunch, after a friend tucked my cards into the velcroed-shut back pocket of his swim trunks. We had done a Lazy River ride, then the Twisters again, and were at the top of the Blue Steak when a pat of the back pocket produced an almost comical look of 'oh shit' on his face, and the horrible realization that somehow the pocket had come undone and the cards were now very very lost.

Kee-RAP. Crap crappity crap crap!

Nothing for it but to ride the ride down (hey, they were going to be lost if I panicked or not, and I chose to the 'no panic' option) and find a life guard at each of the three places we'd ridden since lunch and beg them to have a peek into the depths of the splash pools for the cards.

Not to rub salt into any wounds, but I must say that it didn't help my attitude that the ride down also caused me to smash my cheap-ass sunglasses. Between my BOOBS, where they'd been tucked for the duration.

Gah. Stupid boobs, anyhow. Nothing but trouble!

After talking with a couple of guards, and three of their supervisors, who, to their credit, immediately went off in search of our lost things, luck would have it that the spectre of someone skulking off with my ID and credit was quickly banished because the cards were located by a be-goggled lifeguard under a tumult of water coming from the Slidewinder, and all was right with the world once more. (that, dear friends, was a sentence to end all sentences, wasn't it?) Yes, people, they stopped a ride to look for my stuff. Sorry, all y'all folks who had to wait it out at the top! My bad.

That episode kind of took the stuffing out of me, but I was soon restuffed after a quick rest on a lounge chair while the kiddoes continued hurling themselves down water-filled plastic tubes for 30 or so minutes. LOVE the lounge chairs, and the huge umbrellas, and the sandy beaches manufactured for our lounging pleasure. If they only served cocktails, it would have been perfect.

We topped off our 7-hour waterpark adventure with a couple of smaller direct-to-the-pool slides and a quick dip in a play pool, and that was that.

Now I'm wondering if I can make season tickets pay off. That place is the shizz, y'all.


What was YOUR weekend like? Any boob-flashing going on? Tell us all about it, and have a grand day.

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