Thursday, July 03, 2008

Yea, right.

This? Is fashion?

Oh HELL no. The first one looks like she's being sucked in by a black hole, and the second one looks like an imitation of a fancy chicken

Neither of these fashion options appeal to me. How 'bout YOU? Would you suffer for fashion enough to wear anything like this outside of a costume party (or perhaps, more correctly, INSIDE of a costume party?)?

If anyone forced me at gunpoint to put on getup number 2, I'd be saying my prayers and making my peace, because THAT would be a torture of such magnitude that I'm pretty sure death would be a better option. Plus which? Me in multiple layers of tulle would look less like a fancy chicken and more, I'm sure, like a cotton ball had sneezed


Saw a lady yesterday that I'm pretty sure had no spine

She's an older woman, about 5'2", with legs almost as long as mine (that's a 33 inch inseam, y'all) and a space that was MAYBE 8 inches tall from hip to neck. I suspect severe lordosis was in action, but saw no evidence thereof because 1) I was looking at the most magnificent example of shelf-ass EVER and was thereby distracted from much further investigation, and 2) the rolls of chub perched on top of the shelf ass masked any swayback she might have had.

Oh, she puffed mightily up the steps at the cable company office, the perspiration from her efforts staining the back on her black shorts n' tee ensemble, her turgid rump undulating with each labored step. I looked and looked for some sign of a brace or other apparatus that would signify a disability, but found none to explain the truncated torso of the half-woman.

She seriously fascinated me. Can you tell?

Anywho - once she got done with her bidness at the cable company, and I could once again focus on the business at hand, I politely inquired of the nice lady behind the desk (let's call her Sally NoSmile, mmkay?) why it might be that the cable modem seemed to have committed seppuku the previous evening. Sally took the dead modem and power cord, swapped it out from a 'new' one, and I went on my merry way, thanking he for her service. Sally twitched an eyebrow at me in response, and thus I was pleased.

With much anticipation I brought home the new modem, plugged in the power cord, cable, and wiffy connection, stepped back to witness the renewed flow of the interwebz into the Tiny House, and


No wiffy, no blinkie lights, not even POWER was getting to the modem.

My excitement powered off like a generator after a dam break. What NOW? The cable office had already closed! I was without INTERNET for a night!


Therefore it was that I spent some time at the local coffee house/intertubez cafe, surfing around, e-mailing, checking my schedule for today, IMing with Tracy Lynn, and generally behaving like a total yuppie.

A yuppie without Internet.

Ya know what? I kind of liked having double chocolate cake and coffee for dinner. I kind of liked hanging out at the cafe, lounging in their comfy leather chair, drinking their coffee, watching people go by on Main Street (which here is really called White Street), spending time away from home in a break with the routine.

But it can't become a habit, because at 7 bucks for cake and coffee I'd run out of bourbon money pretty quick, and I can't have that.

(oh, and the modem? Wasn't new. I think Sally is a passive aggressive bitch for pulling THAT little trick)


Today finds me in a mire of work. MIRE, I say. And, of course, the only thing to DO in a mire is to slog through it.

And thus, I leave you to slog, and to enjoy what I hope is for you a long relaxing weekend.

Tschuss, y'all!

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