Friday, October 12, 2007


FALL! Fall is here!

It came in with a wallop too, all cold and shivery and stuff. MmmMMMMMmmmm, shivery.

I took a walk last night through "faculty row" in Historic Wake Forest (must be capitalized thusly, don't you know) as part of my daily allotment of exercise, and the sweatshirt and goofy colorful LONG PANTS I was wearing were barely enough to ward off the chill. Buh-LISS.

Right now it is 45 degrees, Fahrenheit. The Fahrenheit is important. Ohsoimportant.

Let's go to the weather graphic, shall we?

Say it with me - YES!! Woohoo!! Halellujiah!

Chilly mornings make critters happy. There are squirrels a-jumpin' therough the old oak trees out back (and, quite possibly, out front, but I di'int check that out thus far), birds are a chirpin', and Albert, in a fit of feline joy, is chasing his tail with gusto.

Albert has NEVER chased his tail before. Clearly, he is a meteorologically savvy kitty.


(Bear with me, people, for yet another pet story is about to occur. It seems I can't stop myself.)

Someone, please tell me how to stop dogs from farting, for the farting situation at the Tiny House is reaching code red.

Witness: Because I am a loving and accommodating pet mama, I allowed Skeeter and Zack to sleep in my bedroom with me last night (a priviledge normally only allowed to Albert). The dogs and I settled in nicely, with Zack taking position on the bed with me and Skeeter guarding the door. It was a happy domestic scene, all right.

Until the farting started.

It is testament to the power of dog farts that I was brought out of a midnight-deep sleep by the smell. Oh my yes, the utterly imcomprehensibly awful stench that emanated from their furry flatulent fetid nether bits woke me right up.

Holy wah, y'all.

I thought a skunk had gotten into the house, or something electric was on fire, or I'd awakened to a giant steaming load of dog poo deposited somewhere near my nasal region, but no, the gut-wrenching stink was merely the combined methanic output of two medium-sized canines.

Again, holy wah.

There was no way I could continue in that manner. The tough decision was made. The dogs did not sleep with me. I had to shut them right out.

As I drifted back to sleep again (fan ON, window OPEN!), a previously hidden visitor to my slumber chamber appeared, as if from nowhere. It was Albert, taking up his duties as nighttime watchman. As he settled onto the pillow next to me I could hear the silent "AT LAST" coming from the core of his very being, and it was full of the snark. Albert is a master of the snark.

He is also a lovely quiet sleep partner, and he didn't fart once, all night.


Way to rock, Al.


Oh, hey, it's Friday. I'm supposed to do headlines. Gosh, I got off track what with the weather and the farting and the Peace Prize winning and whatnot. Huh.

What to do?


Putin says missile plan risks relations

The basic fear, as I understand it, is that it might start dating the Kyoto Protocol, and we're all pretty sure no good can come of THAT.

Six-figure bonuses retain US commandos

You'd think the commandos would be strong enough to fight them off....

Turkey ponders Iraq campaign

And I quote: "Gobble gobble, gobblegobblegobblegob da gob."

Clinton weighs Social Security tax 'gap'

I'm betting it weights nothing, because, you know, it's a GAP.

Analysis: Rivals rap Clinton's Iran vote

Yo, yo, yo Ms Clinton
You ain't got nuthin' on the Iran SITCHIN'
you voting all over the damn hizZOUSE
putting words in other folks
Mutha F-ckin' MOUTHS

Say it with me yo
Say it with me yo
Say it with me yo
Clinton's all wrong!

Thinkin' one thing and votin' ANNUTHA
Changing yo mind like a G - D MUTHA
Talkin; out bof sides of yo
White trash MOUF
Yo ain't got nuthin' but trubs now yow!

Say it with me yo
Say it with me yo
Say it with me yo
Clinton's all wrong!

(Heh - I maybe suck at the rap.)


And that, my pretties, is all for today. Must needs I shower and get to work, where no doubts the fires set yesterday are in full blaze and need another hefty shower of my cooling expertise to dampen them down to manageable containment.

Have a good one, and a great weekend!

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