Monday, August 13, 2007

Trying to connect

A lack of connectivity in life is a lonely lonely thing.

Ever tried living without other people to talk to for a few days, up to and including going without your computer?

I haven't.

The simple reason for this is that I bore myself to tears. Absolutely to TEARS when I'm alone. I envision large blocks of time I could fill with all manner of exciting things to do, and then the time alone rolls around I normally wind up doing all.most.nothing.

I'm not necessarily saying that doing NOTHING is bad, but I will say that doing nothing is bad for me. I get angsty, jittery, the knee starts to bounce in the "OMGITOTALLYNEEDSOMETHINGTO DO" way that used to get me sent outside when I was a kid so I could burn off that excess energy.

Normally, to offset this behavior, I hit the internet for a while, then when bored of that I read, then I cook. I typically will NOT do the exciting things that I envision as possible when the blocks of time loom on the horizon of the future.

Why, I don't know. I think I lack the thirst for thrills, or the ability to set myself out on the limb of chance. Maybe it's comfort and home that call to me more loudly than the open road or the quest for new experiences. Maybe I'm just getting OLD.

Simple fact is that I don't do well on my own. I require entertainment. I require a "thing" to accomplish if company isn't available.

Whether or not I do that "thing" is another matter entirely. Yep - "make a plan and then break it" is a life motto, along with "why do today what you can put off until tomorrow" and "make it a double."

What do y'all do when given the chance to spend time alone? Do to just loaf off, relishing the free time and the chance to explore your inner voices; or do you fill your time with meaningful activities that will prove to the world that you've grabbed life by the horns and MADE something of each and every day?

I'd love to be one or the other, yet find myself teetering on the cusp of both...and it's driving me nuts.

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