Friday, June 22, 2007

Hey - It's Time for TIFF Newz!

Let's do the Friday funnies, shall we? Yahoo has come though with some headline manglage that I simply could NOT resist mangling further!

Tape is rolling in 3....2....1......


Israel: Quartet plans Jerusalem meeting

In an unexpected move, the three tenors have added Josh Grobain to their concert cast and are planning to give a show at the Wailing Wall. Locals are understandably concered about possible damage to the landmark, because those four fellows can do an extraordinary amount of wailing, and that's one old wall.

25 civilians killed in Afghan violence

Cleaning up the shredded yarn and crochet hooks after the melee was finally quashed took more than 2 days.

Waxman decries Cheney security exemption

Tin Man decries to keep from rusting.

Bush Admin. Asks Judge To Toss Connecticut Suit

Sunny McDufferson, administrative assistant to the Undersecretary of Wonkery in the Office of Flummoxation (part of the Executive Branch of government), teamed up with Judge Bailey Proctor of Ridgefield CT to participate in a "Savile Row" party game at the annual office picnic on Saturday. The team won the event after an inspired request by McDufferson to Proctor to heave his entire 3-piece bespoke suit all at once over an 8-foot wall of briefing documents rather than engaging in the typical "trouser/vest/jacket" progression. This innovation allowed McDufferson to dress herself 15 seconds MORE quickly than the second-place team of Whanke and Thwap, locking in their first-place overall status in the "Hill Games."

(and THAT, friends, was a long way to go for a very weak joke)

Cash seized in probe of Laos plot

A 4-hectare pice of swampland in Laos has yielded thousands of American dollars. Oil prospectors were drilling test holes in the muck in May, and came up with the sodden dollars in the cores. The FBI was alerted, and the cash was immediately taken as American property.

NJ to weigh $450M for stem cell research

The big question: should they use a digital or "spinny needle" scale?

Isaiah Washington: ABC axed wrong guy

They shoulda axed yo mama instead.

(For this one I'll take an aisle seat on the bus to hell, thank you)

Avoid air hassles with discreet behavior

Always fart, THEN leave the room. No hassle!

Giambi agrees to meeting on steroids

"It's a strange request, I give you that," said a source, "But he'll talk only AFTER we cover the floor in pure testosterone."


"I didn't know what I was talking about when I said I'd go to the Wailing Wall," said Giambi. "I was totally juiced and thought I was Josh Grobain."


Have a great weekend y'all. I'm headed up the road with the Things for a reunion with some friends, and am totally psyched about it. Watch out DC, TIff's a-coming atcha!

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