Monday, May 07, 2007

More fun than a barrel o' monkeys

Yesterday I spent some quality time at my new house ripping up carpet.

Oh yes, it's nothing but excitement and thrills at Casa Tiff, I tell you.

The carpet-ripping was supposed to have occurred almost exactly after the tool-purchasing part of the daily planned program (say, at noon or so), but somehow it got put off for a while so I could take a nap. The tool thing tired me right out. For 4 hours. I am not lying - I lay down at 1:30 for "a quick nap," just because I could (the Things being with their Dad, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted) and woke up KNOWING that a lot of time had gone by.

The sun, for example, was shining through the window blinds at a MUCH more skewed angle than when I'd laid my weary head on down.

For a moment or six I thought about just saying to hell with it to the whole carpet-ripping up thing, but I'd just bought a new utilily knife and pry bar and awesome leather gloves and the pull of demolition was just too strong. I HAD to rip something apart - had to make my mark on the tiny house, and the carpets were to be my first victim. The curiosity to know what's UNDER that carpet was just too strong to put off for milder pursuits.

I started in the "master bedroom." It was easy-peasy to lift the carpet out from under the baseboard; the stuff just came loose with hardly a tug. As a matter of fact, all the stuff that was IN the carpet came up with hardly a tug as well, which was really kinda gross, because when I told the owner to not bother with going crazy cleaning for me I didn't really expect her to take me all THAT seriously.

Dudes, I could tell you what kind of crackers their kids had as a snack the week before, if you catch my drift.

Anyhow, as I round the first lap of heavy lifting and made my way toward the far corner of the room, I noticed that something was starting to smell a little funky. A weird sweet-acrid smell. I wondered if it was the leftovers of the Glade Plug-in thingines that were in the electrical sockets, but the smell wasn't really coming from there.

So, on with the pulling back and cutting and, huh, is the seam tape SUPPOSED to be wet over here, and why is the smell so much stronger here than where the tape DOESN'T look wet, and OMG I just remembered that they had two little peke-a-apsos or something moppy little dogs and I'm now reasonably certain that I'm kneeling in OLD DOG PEE!!!

Took a quick beer break to let THAT one sink in.

There is old dog pee in and under my carpet.

That is disgusting.

I need a new floor. STAT.

Very quickly after that realization my zest for demolition took a nosedive. It was getting on to 7:30 anyhow, I reasoned, and could always take up the gaunlet tomorrow, when perhaps the damp carpet would have had a chance to dry a little.

Tell me that it will have dried a little.

Also tell me that it hasn't seeped through the padding and into whatever lies beneath, because I'm really hoping that what's underneath is hardwood and I'd be sad if the wood was infiltrated with the urine of a couple of "not-a-dogs."

Right now I'm holding out hope that the linoleum I found under the carpet in one corner of the room carries all the way through the room. Isn't that a sick thing to hope for? Linoleum in your bedroom?

There will be pictures. I have the "befores," which are scary and gross. Lets just say that carpet should probably not be waving at you as it lies there. Let's just say that carpet should not CRACK when you pull on it to remove it. Lets just say that carpet should probably not burst into a cloud of dust when you cut into it.

I'm just sayin, is all.

And I get to go finish the job tonight.

Tomorrow's job? Taking out the padding. Thanks goodness I bought the pry bar, because the staples holding THAT shit down are RUSTED. Eesh.


(I have some cool pics of the backyard that I was going to post here, but I left my phone in the car and don't feel like going out to get it right now. Heh - so 21st century; using a phone to take pictures. Amazing amazing world we live in, isn't it?)

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