Thursday, May 03, 2007

Hiding in plain sight

Just had the walkthrough on the new house. Squee!

I pulled up to the house, and figured that the fellow on the front porch was Mr. Homeowner, who I'd never met. I recognized him from the pictures I'd seen all over the house on previous visits; a pleasant-looking bald fellow with snappy eyes.

And about 5 feet tall.

A tiny man.

Now, I'm 5'10" and am used to being taller than a lot of people. I quite like being able to scan a crowd by looking over their heads. However, being so MUCH taller than this guy made me uncomfortable at first. I mean, my KIDS are taller than him, and they're not even teenagers yet. Seriously, dude was like a member of the Lollipop Guild.

For a moment, I wondered at the hell his life must have been for being so very height-challenged. Kids can be really mean, and to be a short-short guy had to have been 8 kinds of piping hot misery, served up on a daily basis.

The way I figure it, his reaction to the lifelong unfair treatment is what gave him the crushing handshake of death and the energetic aura he used to propel himself at lightning speeds around his home and grounds as he showed off all his repairs. Yeah, he might be tiny, but I'm sure he could still kick my lumbering ass from here to the corner on any given day. Quite possibly with a hand tied behind his back and a pitbull chomping on one leg.

For a second I wondered how he and Mrs Homeowner managed, um, "private relations," because if ever a couple met the description of Jack Sprat and his little woman, it would be these two. Yes yes, they're lovely people. Yes yes, they're raising two little kids and keeping a neat house. Yes yes, I'm sure they contribute to charity and whatnot. But still.......

Think about it, then TELL me you wouldn't ponder the same question.


So, at Casa Tiff today, the schedule goes something like this:

  • rise and shine
  • get kids to school
  • house walkthrough
  • post a post
  • work some work
  • pick up lunch for birthday celebration at school
  • oops! first figure out what TIME the birthday celebration at school is
  • get the lunch
  • have lunch with the celebrant (though it's not really his birthday - they just do a monthly thing and he said "if you want to come I guess that's OK," which in his language means "please oh please come," after which he allowed as to how some kids parents bring in fast-food lunches for them on birthday days, which in his language means "please oh please bring me a double cheeseburger just ketchup some fries and a Diet Coke," and so I shall)
  • go to work
  • call utitlities and have new house "activated"
  • go to bank and have very large check cut for closing tomorrow
  • go to another bank and sign some legal stuff
  • breathe
I'm fairly certain I can get it all done. Heck, I'm already on item #4.

Wish me luck.

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