Wednesday, March 07, 2007

How do YOU do it?

So, have you ever worked with someone who had nasal maintenance issues?

I have had the pleasure of working with TWO such people. Oh my yes.

Herein, my tales of them, all true, and all indicating something about my overall level of maturity, I'm sure, in that I shouldn't have such a fascination with this topic and yet I can't tear myself away from the noticing and the mulling over and over again.


Tale 1:

Back in a former life, I worked for a lovely young woman of class, taste, education, and style. She was witty and kind, was social and smart, and CONSTANTLY had a booger hanging from one nostril or another.

My gosh, it was like she PLANTED them there.

I remember one time she came up to me as I was sitting at my desk, and stood there asking me about my projects and status-y work stuff. Normal right? Everyday interchange, right?

WRONG! The booger was there! Highly distracting!

I KNOW I was supposed to be looking her in the eyes and paying attention to what she was saying, and that I was supposed to be PART of the conversation, but I'm here to tell you that it's tough to do that when you're staring up the nostrils of someone who's sporting a pale yellow FLAP BOOGER of tremendous size.

I could NOT stop looking at it and it's magical antics.

She breathed in, it disappeared.

She breathed OUT, and there it was again, crisply quivering on the cusp of a launch. A launch that would traject it right toward me. A launch I feared like crazy, for I knew my first reaction on detection of separation of the nasal drone from the mothership would be to duck and cover, because my desk was right up against a wall and she was blocking the path between me and the rest of the lab, therefore my only option would have been to dive under my desk until landing had been achieved someplace else that wasn't on me.

Thinking on it now, I guess I could have body-slammed her while sprinting toward safety, but I'm generally not terribly violent......and that could have sent the dreaded object out with considerable force, rendering it virtually untrackable, and possibly into my HAIR without me knowing it.

I shiver now just thinking of it.

Other people's boogers in my hair. That's almost as bad as running into a spider web and not finding the spider.

Thankfully, I excused myself from her presnce by using the tried and true "I gotta use the bathroom" thing, and rushed out to tell all my friends about the totally gross thing I'd just experienced.

Because it's apparent that I stopped maturing emotionally at about age 8, and thus still find boogers and stuff pretty daggone funny.

Tale 2:

My other snotlocker experience is more current.

I shall start with a question: Do you know someone who, while in conversation, will reach up and start mining away for nostril gold right there in FRONT of you???

I do.

'Nuf said.


Me, personally, am a BIG fan of the "sniff" if I think I've got a wee peeker hanging out me nose and I've got no polite way to pick/blow that sucker outta there. You know, if you're talking with somebody and you feel that suspicious turbulence in the lower nostril area and don't have a mirror handy to check if somebody's making their exit without your approval? Suh-NIFF! Gone! Just don't sniff too hard ot it might land on your epiglottis, causing you to choke and cough, thereby possibly sending the offending member OUT your mouth and maybe ONTO your conversation partner.

Go on....ask me how I know.

FYI - Sniffing works for whistle boogers too. Even if you're in the middle of a necking session and your nose starts whispering sweet nothings into your snog partner's face, cuz they can't argue with you SNIFFING, now can they? It's certainly more dainty than BLOWING or PICKING or just letting it WHISTLE, which only provokes hilarity, which isn't really the goal of a good tongue wrestling session, now IS it?

I didn't think so.


So, I wonder, what are YOUR thoughts on this matter?

If, you know, you have any.

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