Thursday, November 16, 2006

The quest for fitness

Here's a little confession for Thursday: I'm a fatass.

Oh, I know, you had your mental picture of me, a willowy blonde with piercing blue eyes and firm thighs, powerful yet sensual, confident in her striking teutonian appearance (something maybe like the lady in the photo, eh?).

You did have that mental picture, right?


Well, haha on you, because you were WRONG about all that.

(Well, except for the blonde, and even that's not really really real (Thanks L'Oreal!). Oh, also the blue eyes. I have those. They ARE real. Woot!)

In truth, I USED to meet that smokin' description y'all have in your head of me, and yet, somewhere along the way I lost "firm and willowy" and picked up "well-padded and soft." Perhaps it was because willowy and firm were much too hard to maintain - they required time and effort and attention and willpower, which, um, I also lost somewhere during the last ten years or so. On the other hand, well-padded and soft require NO effort or time or attention; as a matter of fact, they seem to thrive on LACK of those things! So easy! Imagine that.


Now, despite the fact that I'm, uh, "fluffy," I'm in reasonably good health. Good BP, good cholesterol, good heart rate and rhythm, no major hormonal issues, etc etc etc. This reasonably good health has been my little cushion of denial for several years now. It seems, however, that my cushion is going a bit flat under the added, uh, "fluffiness," and things are starting to break down in the land of ignorant bliss.

Therefore, I have decided to boot Fluffy, and to find Willow(y) again.

This can mean only one thing: I'm going back to the gym.

(Dear God, help us all. One can only guess where this will lead.)

Thus far this week it was walking on Monday (a whole mile and a half...whoopee), swimming on Tuesday (25, and walking and upper-body weight work today (a mile and 12 minutes, Tomorrow it's back to the pool, where I'm hoping once again to be able to swim with the older Chinese woman that I met the other day who said "you a gud swimmah!" to me after my first lap and spent the rest of our time together walking at a stately pace up and down the shallow end singing Chinese folks songs in a lovely deep resonant voice or floating on her back in the deeper end.

I like the older Chinese woman. I could be her fat American friend! At least for a little while, you know, until I'm not fat anymore. Then I'd just be her American-friend-she-sees-at-the-pool-twice-a-week, which is a very long name indeed and wouldn't be something I'd name a child but fits nicely as a descriptor of what I could be. To her. My older-Chinese-friend-who-sings-in-the-pool.)

Anyhow, that's the deal. What this means is that you should be prepared to hear much much more about my time at the gym. My thinking on this is that if I have to suffer to bring Skinny Back, then you should too. You can thank me later, or in the comments.

Not all of this will be horrible, because from time to time I intend to offer up bits of information I think might be useful to you, gentle reader. For example: I learned today that paper towels, when enough are used, do a fine job of mopping up after the post-workout shower if one happens to forget to bring a TOWEL along with one. Also, the semi-sweaty tee shirt one just worked out in can absorb a fair amount of liquid. Plus, the blow dryer is great for removing the last of the dampness the first two methods didn't.

You know, in case you find yourself in a similar situation someday.

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