Monday, September 04, 2006


The following is my entry for the newest 500-word challenge.



Edgar was nervous. Edgar was sad. Edgar wanted his mother’s hand.

Edgar didn’t know this place. Edgar didn’t see familiar faces. Edgar smelled things that smelled like fire and meat.

Edgar heard strange sounds.

Edgar felt hot and windless.

Edgar had hurt feet and sore ears.

Edgar saw bright things moving in the wind. Edgar saw symbols, but did not know what they said. Edgar saw the sun, bright and bare. Edgar saw legs going places, but didn’t see the sway of his mother’s languid gait.

Edgar felt his hands sliding over the thing around his neck, dark like the vines his mother swung on to keep out of the jaguar’s mouths.

Black night. Mother gone. Sun hot. Dark rope. Loud sounds. Bitter smells. Not home.

Edgar knew he was lost forever


That's it. As the challenge rules state, it's now your turn to criticise this piece. I welcome your comments and suggestions.

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