Saturday, July 15, 2006

Didn't you know

That nobody posts on the weekend?


It's a desert out there. A vast scorching plain of old posts and tired material, a dried-up well of entertainment, a wrung-out rag of fun.

"Always offer 3 metaphors where one would do," my teacher once told me, "that way there's something for the editors to cut and you still get your colorful language."

That was a lie. Nobody ever told me that. I just do it because that's how I think. In metaphors. Lots of them. As in scads, gobs, loads, heaps, and tons-n-bunches.

I've been reading around the interweb this morning, avoiding the work I know I must do or be verbally (and perhaps professionally) castigated by powerful people at a client company who have placed their trust in me to do a thing for them that I've somehow lost the drive to do, and I've come to the realization that there are a lot of people out there in the blog-o-sphere who write better than I do, and if they don't actually WRITE better then they're funnier or do more interesting things or write about something that's not what's going on in their head (the concept! amazing!), thereby creating the impression that they do interesting things.

I, I have decided, write in very long sentences, and that's about all.

Lord, lord, is this the voice that I've looked for for the past many months? Is THIS how it's going to be? Am I relegated to long-winded yawps about something that Mark Twain could have communicated in 3 words or less? Which leads me to wonder - Would I have even LIKED Mark Twain? I mean, the moutache is cute and all, and a nice white suit will never go out of style, but really, was he one of those humorists who was a royal pain in the ass to his family and cheated the tithe at church? Would I have picked that up about him if I ever met him strolling down the streets of Hartford, or would I have been swayed by his power and influence and have become a yes-girl to his every whim because he was Samuel Freaking Clemens, for God's sake, and a shining beam of iconery even back in the day.

(Here is where a bunch of pictures of Mark T would have gone, complete with humorous commentary, if Blogger had decided to participate in the hilarity. Which it did not, leaving you without something at which to chortle and without fodder from which to decide that I am, indeed, the most clever bunny in the Downs. Le sigh.)

So, the answer to the question seems to be "yes." To all.


So, in that spirit, I take upon myself to alert you to get ready for more stream-of-consciousness as I try to move ever deeper into the voyage of self-discovery and self-actualization that I started lo those many months ago. I feel as though a dam is about to burst loose in me, a flood of emotions and ideas are pounding incessantly to be let free, a backlog of ideas is pressing against the locks, yearning to traverse the canals of clear thought and expression that I KNOW lives within me, a throbbing, seething, pulsating mass of inventiveness that lusts for freedom and expression......


Bwahahahahahaha!! Hee!


Back to poop jokes and superficiality on Monday. I gotta get to work now...


But wait! Maine's got something to say, and I agree with him so much that I'm puttin' up a link to his post so y'all can go read it while sagely nodding ya heads mumbling "yes, yes, so true."

Lemme know if you did, 'kay?


Deb R said...

That nobody posts on the weekend?

You posted.
I posted.
So see, the important people DO post on the weekend! :-)

tiff said...

LMBO ( because I don't use "ass" that often)


How can I keep up?

Kingfisher said...

"A vast scorching plain of old posts and tired material, a dried-up well of entertainment, a wrung-out rag of fun."

Sounds like Fishing In A Dry Wash. That jerk posts utter crap aboout once a week.

tiff said...

So I've heard.....and yet, I'm strangely drawn to it. Like a fly...

kapgar said...

I do blog on weekends.

I just don't read other blogs or comment on them until the next Monday. Makes catch up a bitch.